To Love and Be Loved
by Carnivalgirl
Summary: The story of Remus and Tonks, from the end of HBP to the end of DH. A story of finding and keeping love and happiness, unfortunately accompanied by desperation, conflict and loss. Includes missing moments: the wedding, the baby, the death and more. RLNT.
1. Remus's Nightmare

**A/N:** Sigh...if only Remus and Tonks hadn't died, eh? I would have been delighted with their story if it hadn't been for their (unexplained) deaths, because who'd have thought they'd get married and everything? I thought we'd see them dance at Bill and Fleur's wedding, and kind of hold hands and stuff, and have babies in the Epilogue. Well, I was nearly there!

Anyway, this is going to be a short fic (about 10 or 11 chapters) chronicling their story from the end of HBP to the end of DH. I know it's a fourth story in progress, but...it's my fault. Enjoy...it's not all bad.

Also, in a little homage to the fanfics of my loyal friend **Kerichi **which stretch back as far as GoF-era, this Remus and Tonks were together for quite a while before HBP. Leaping into marriage after two months? _Hardly_...

**Chapter One: Remus's Nightmare**

Remus was at Hogwarts, although he didn't fully understand why. Or at least his head didn't, because his feet were carrying him in some purposeful direction. On his way, he passed various memorable artefacts; their positioning wasn't quite right, but it was good to see the old tree, the witch statue, the bustling kitchens, and his favourite Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. It became clear, as he approached the large wooden doors, that he was to enter the Great Hall.

The four house tables were not there, but one person was. Nymphadora Tonks, the woman Remus loved and with whom he had just restarted a relationship, was standing in glittering navy blue dress robes and smiling widely at him. He approached her eagerly, but she was silent. All she did was take his arms in hers as the lights dimmed, and music from an unknown source began. It was gentle, but had a lot of flourishes, which made it perfect for two people who didn't really know how to dance properly. They twirled blissfully around the hall. Remus was talking away to Tonks about nothing in particular, but she still said no words. Her eyes sparkled...she was wearing make-up for once, and looked somehow more formal, but her hair was the bright pink he had missed this past year.

As the pace slowed, and the music became smoother, one of her hands moved from his arms to his neck. She wore silk gloves, but it was the caress of her fingers that caused the more pleasant sensation. She leant towards him, eternally silent, and kissed him briefly but warmly. Her loving gesture seemed to light a fire within him, as he tightened his grip on her and dipped her in the old romantic style.

He was about to smooch her when she fell out of his hands. He didn't understand, because he hadn't dropped her. Then he saw her, lying on the floor, looking as if some force had attacked her in the blink of his eye. A cold, high, feminine laugh that he had heard before tonight rang through the room from above...the room glowed with a green light that came from the enchanted ceiling. But Tonks had not been killed with the Killing Curse; her body was severely wounded, like his own body would be if all the scars happened to open, and a pool of blood was forming underneath her, soaking into her pink hair. Her eyes were glassy and her mouth was wide open. Remus was paralysed with shock. He could see she was dead and knew he ought to cry, but somehow he could not. He stood, unable to take it in.

And then...something even stranger happened. The ceiling turned to a typically English cloudy white. She got up, completely unharmed, as if it had all been some barbaric prank. Laughing nervously, thinking perhaps she had been testing his love (though there was no reason to), he held out his arms to her. She did not come into them, instead, she blew him a sad kiss and then began to walk away. He couldn't tell where she was going...what lay ahead of them seemed to be nothing but the Dementor-esque fog.

It could not have been worse. He felt as if he had lost her twice. Mad-Eye, Arthur, Molly and Kingsley appeared from nowhere around Remus, trying to offer their condolences for the loss of his beloved. But she wasn't dead, she had just gone somewhere. Remus began to explain this calmly, but they did not listen. He felt as if he had become a little boy, and Molly, a natural mother, was encouraging him to sit with her and they could talk about her together. But Remus kicked and screamed like they had told him to go to bed early, insisting;

"She is not DEAD! She just went away!"

"She is dead, Remus." Kingsley told him, his voice deep and calm. "We know she is. I know you loved her very much. We all loved her. We have lots of photos for you to remember her by."

"We just need to go after her!" he said. "She's over there, we can get her back!" he slipped away from them and ran awkwardly towards the mist. He was suddenly reminded of Harry, who had tried to pursue Sirius, and it occurred to Remus that maybe Harry was right, the veil had not killed Sirius, and he had abandoned his friend in a mysterious world of fog...

Remus's eyes opened. He saw a ceiling with a pattern of stars above him, and felt the pillow and mattress underneath. It had been a dream. Relieved as he was, his face was wet with sweat, or tears, or possibly both. It was easier to cry at night, and that had been a most horrible dream. As if to confirm the complete falsehood of what he had just imagined, he looked to his right to see the sleeping form of Nymphadora, blankets kicked off, whose face was flushed with the hot summer night and whose breathing was gentle but showed clearly that she was alive.

He was wide awake now, and felt embarassed and unhappy. He had had nightmares like this as a teenager (and woken up not to the gentle breathing of a beautiful woman, but to the loud snores of her second cousin) as the war had loomed, and now they were returning as the same happened again. He had forgotten how, though ridiculous, they seemed so real at the time. He wasn't quite sure, for example, why he had suddenly seemed to morph into a child, but he didn't want to ponder it. Instead, he felt a childish urge to touch her, and check that she was really, really alive.

He turned on his side, trying not to cause any springs to creak. The bed had been a single one, regularly put under an Engorgement Charm to allow them to share it. Though he enjoyed sharing a bed with her for the obvious reasons, he loved to wake up next to her and have a warm female body next to his own. One of the things he loved most about her, though, was her sheer lack of vanity-Remus didn't know the female species well, but he was half certain a lot of women would take the opportunity to be staggeringly, jaw-droppingly gorgeous with no effort whatsoever, except she did not. He was of course attracted to her, but she was no pin-up. Her real charm was in her actions, her laughter (rare as it was these days), her various quirks. Her flat, which he was coming to love as a new home, was full of eccentric things; an enormous old stuffed Hippogriff named 'Flappy', an inflatable chair, a mug with 'Ban The Bomb' on it, a scruffy map of the world from the point of view of Australia, and a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He gently stroked the side of her waist to further certify her state of being alive.

Unexpectedly, she turned over onto her back, forcing a startled Remus to lean back onto a creaking spring. Though still fast asleep, a smile spread across the woman's face;

"_Remus Lupin!_ So it's true what they say about werewolves in the run up to the full moon...schnn...I have to go to work in the morning, remember...huh...you look kind of hazy...zzz...am I asleep?"

Remus stifled a giggle and whispered in her ear. "Yes, but don't let that stop us, Nymphadora."

"Don't _call_ me that..." she said, and then turned away from him again. He covered his mouth with his hands and laughed. Living with her was wonderful, every evening had its own charm. He had never known a woman like her. She was not a small part of his life, she was _everything_ positive about his life. She embodied laughter, fun and happiness. Even when her ever-changing hair was as brown and lank as his own her sparkling eyes took him back to happier times. The word 'girlfriend' was really not enough to describe his relationship with her. Especially at his age...

A thought came to his mind in those early hours of the morning, as he recovered from the sensation of losing her accompanied by the gratefulness of not. They had been in love for a long time, despite their year-long separation, and he had had his mother's old engagement ring for far too long.

"_Wife_, on the other hand..."


	2. A Very Short Engagement

**A/N:** Thank you to all my reviewers and readers! Enjoy this chapter, even if it is full of dialogue (one of my weaknesses). The Patronus idea comes from one of my favourite attributes of His Dark Materials; the daemons, and the way they curl around each other, etc. if their owners are particularly intimate.

**Chapter Two: A Very Short Engagement**

Nymphadora Tonks was having a bad day. True, her life was better than it had been, but it still wasn't good. She had recently been moved, and did not have to spend time in the company of Dementors, which did not help her misery. However, her new job involved nothing but paperwork, that most despised of tasks, and, though under the constant pretence of being ignorant to everything war-related, she knew why.

The Ministry was being swamped by Death Eaters, it was impossible to ignore. She had neglected to inform them all of her relationship status, pretending to nosy enquirers that she was having an informal, long distance relationship with her Hogwarts boyfriend Charlie. They wrote to each other regularly, and it was fine, thank you for asking. There was still, of course, an element of suspicion surrounding her that she could not avoid due to her presence at the recent battle, but Kingsley was suffering the same treatment and they could handle it together. He was a good friend to her, and he supported everything she did, unlike _some_ people. Mad-Eye had been giving Remus some suspicious glances recently (although Mad-Eye was suspicious about everything, so it was nothing too unusual) and her parents, especially her mother, were being typically annoying. She recalled the letters her mother had sent her over the past couple of weeks.

_"...Are you sure you're doing the right thing?"_

_"...Doesn't the age gap bother you?"_

_"...What do you do about full moons?"_

_"...Can he be trusted?"_

After this latest one, she had gotten very annoyed with her mother, and told her, after storming round to the house in a rage, that she had no right to object to her relationship when her own family objected to hers. Her mother had been very shocked to be accused like this and turned away in obvious disappointment at her daughter's recklessness, which frustrated her even more. Her father, a friendly and balanced man, did his best to champion both their causes.

"Andromeda, Dora's right, we can hardly preach about having the 'right' person, can we?"

"She doesn't understand that we're doing it for her own good."

"Mum...!"

"..._However_, Dora, your mum and I are worried about you. You've always been a reckless girl and we don't want you getting into trouble. Do you understand that?" He gave her an awkward, pleading smile, obviously not wanting a family disaster in the middle of a war.

Tonks did understand, but she didn't particularly care. She and Remus were careful, and they took their relationship slowly and seriously. She secured Wolfsbane Potion for him every month through one method or another. Hestia Jones was quite a good potion maker, and after a risky trial effort, they had found they could rely on her. Things were secure, and besides, she was a grown-up. She did not need her parents to tell her how to make her decisions. With this point firmly expressed, she left her parents without resolving anything, and Apparated to the flat.

Upon entering and looking at the newly-cleaned hallway, she closed the door behind her and leaned against it dejectedly.

"Remus..." she said, hoping he was in. "...I need love."

"You need a telling-off, woman." came the gruff voice of Mad-Eye Moody from her sitting room. "What time do you call this?"

It was seven o'clock. They had scheduled an Order meeting at her very own flat at six-thirty, and she had completely and utterly forgotten about it.

She entered sheepishly, receiving smiles from some and looks of annoyance from others. Apologising profusely, she sat next to Remus, who had saved a space for her and had suspected that she had forgotten to come. He knew her well.

As Mad-Eye discussed the plans for removing Harry Potter, and the Ministry situation, she leant her head against his shoulder.

"I do not need this..." she said, in a voice so quiet only he could hear.

"Don't worry." he said. "It won't be long, this is just a briefing. You've missed most of the important stuff already."

"Oh, good. That makes me feel much better."

"I'll fill you in...I have something to ask you later..."

Tonks could swear she saw a few people's mouths twitch at picking this last bit of conversation up, and decided she really ought to start participating in the discussion.

"I think they _will_ target the Dursleys." she said in response to the questions. "Regardless of how their relationship is, the Death Eaters set a lot of store by family and will assume Harry does the same. Attacking his aunt, uncle and cousin would hurt him; he's a sensitive lad, and, even if they are mean-spirited, they've done nothing to deserve You-Know-Who's wrath. In short, they will need our protection."

"They'll be difficult to persuade, though." Remus added. "They have fully established lives in their own world, we can't simply pluck them out of that and immerse them in ours. They'll need an excuse for going away. Dudley Dursley will have to drop out of school. They won't want to do that..."

"...it's not so real to them." Kingsley said. "I think the reason why they warmed to me is because I'm connected to their world, in a rather loose way. Both sides are part of my life, which, no offence to any of you, cannot be said for most of us. I would volunteer for their protection."

"We need you with us, as well as the PM." Mad-Eye said gruffly.

"I could do it." Dedalus responded. "I'd love to help Harry personally."

"Same here." said Hestia. "He's such a lovely boy, he's one of the things I'm working for. "

"I'll keep an eye on him while you all set a date." Arabella Figg reminded everyone, and things seemed settled. In order to end the meeting properly, everyone stood, and put their hands to their hearts.

"Albus Dumbledore." Remus said, solemnly. "We strive in your honour." And they cast their individual Patronuses, which twisted around each other in a symbol of their owners' friendships. Remus's butterfly settled on the back of Tonks's wolf, who had been pawing at it, while Mad-Eye's eagle looked at them in a gruff, wary but affectionate way. Feeling like she loved him with her whole soul and much better for it, Tonks smiled sideways at Remus, who smiled back.

"Oh yeah." Mundungus Fletcher, of all people, turned to Remus. "What was it you were gonna ask Tonksy, Lupin?"

Remus closed his eyes. "It's a private matter, I'll talk to her about it later."

"What is this?" Mad-Eye said. "Is it so important the rest of us can't hear it?"

"No, no, it's not..." Remus was blushing. An exciting thought came to Tonks's mind, but the sensible part of her mind repressed it. It was probably about the rent or something.

"...well, it _is_ important, but not to the Order."

"Funny you should say that, Remus, because _we_ overheard you earlier and it seemed rather important to us." Fred said, indicating George, who nodded and winked at Mundungus, who was thoroughly enjoying embarrassing Remus.

"Stop it, all of you!" Mrs Weasley said. "He obviously doesn't want to do it in front of everyone."

Tonks's fists clenched in excitement. There was an 'it', was there?

Remus took a deep breath of resignation. He was shaking a little, but his hand went into his pocket. Tonks's heart skipped a beat. Was he about to do what she thought he was about to do?

"I'm going to do it now." he said. "Just so all of you can point and laugh at me, because that's the sort of nice person I am." Everyone laughed, except Tonks, who was so excited she was beginning to forget to breathe.

"Nymphadora Tonks." Remus said, his hand still in his pocket. "You are very special to me."

There was an exaggerated 'Ahhh...' from a certain corner. Tonks giggled, and Remus waved them away impatiently.

"Shh, all of you! _Why_ _did you have to do this to me_...anyway, I know we've only just renewed our relationship, but, Tonks, we have been in love for a few years now, and, quite honestly, I wanted to make it official. There is no one on Earth I'd rather be with except you...you are everything to me."

He got down on one knee, and produced a tarnished ring with a round, white gem set in it. Despite its apparent plainness, there were hints of many different colours within it.

"This is rather old and shabby, much like myself. However, opals themselves will never wear away, as is shown by the fact that this one has worn by generations of Mrs Lupins. Nymphadora, will you become its newest recipient? Will you marry me?"

There was a silence, but an expectant one. Tonks felt a lump come to her throat. His awkward smile, waiting for her answer, made her heart swell with happiness.

"I would love to." she told him, softly.

Everyone, especially Mrs Weasley, clapped and cheered. Remus slipped the ring on Tonks's fingers, and she admired it, before throwing herself into her future husband's arms.

"I'm going to marry you!" she exclaimed, delightedly, and they hugged tightly before sharing a short kiss. She attempted to kiss him more passionately, but he indicated their audience, who were still celebrating.

"Well then, I'm off." said Mad-Eye briefly. He began to hobble away, but turned to the newly engaged couple momentarily.

"Take good care of her, Lupin."

"I will." Remus said, confidently.

After two blissful days of being engaged, Remus and Tonks sat on their petite, charity-shop-bought loveseat together, munching on a dinner of toasted sandwiches.

"I thought we could wait a year." Remus said. "Or two. Depending on how long the war takes to finish. I just wanted us to be...engaged, you see?"

Tonks's heart, which had been on cloud nine, sank a little.

"I thought you wanted to marry me."

"I do! I wouldn't have asked if I didn't!"

"I meant...soon..." she set her ham and cheese sandwich down dejectedly.

"It's no longer than a normal engagement. Most people wait a year or so."

"I know..." she said. "But...we're at war, Remus. If you or I died tomorrow, what would engagement mean? I want my death certificate to identify me as your wife." She felt slightly silly for insisting this, especially as the male species isn't well known for their enthusiasm towards commitment, but truly, for her, it was a matter of life and death.

"You're really leaping into this, aren't you?" he said, sounding startled and a tiny bit annoyed. "I know I asked you to marry me, but I...didn't think you would be so...impulsive about it."

"Well, I am." she said, firmly. "We love each other, don't we? The only difference between us marrying now and in two years is that in two years we might not even be alive."

She reached for his hands and caressed them as she said this, and Remus felt an intense pleasure in knowing that she would be his for a lifetime. The law, he worried, would discriminate against them, but nothing, not even Azkaban, could stop him from loving her. And, in a less sensible quarter of his mind, a voice, possibly belonging to James or Sirius, rang through.

"_What does a little thing like the law matter to the Marauders_? _There are more important things in life_."

"We strived for love and friendship." Remus thought aloud. "The power the Dark Lord knows not." As he said this, the finger of his left hand came over the opal ring.

"Precisely." said Tonks, assuringly.


	3. To Have and to Hold

**Chapter Three: To Have and to Hold**

**A/N:** Thank yous go out to reviewers! Their vows are a combination of two different versions I liked. A lovely long chapter for you all to enjoy. I'm going away for a week, so I won't update for a little while. Still, the plot is thickening...

From his comfortable haven in Lucius Malfoy's mansion, Lord Voldemort looked out at the summer's day. Nature, he rarely admitted, gave him pleasure; it was eternal, and more powerful than anything. That is, until he conquered it, by achieving immortality. The operation to achieve his goals was going smoothly; today was an easy day, he had sent Wormtail out on a little mission and was expecting him back this afternoon. Unfortunately, all did not go exactly according to plan.

"Master." Draco Malfoy said, his voice trembling. "Wormtail has returned." He heard the boy put the rat down and scurry, like the animal, out of the room.

"You're back early, Wormtail."

There was a sound of shifting, and a high-pitched, wheezy voice replied. "Yes, Master?"

"Did your examination of the offices of Aurors Tonks and Shacklebolt go well?"

"Master...Tonks and Shacklebolt were both trained by Alastor Moody, and hence they are extremely scrupulous at concealing their documents. There was nothing I could do in rat form to view them."

"So are you telling me, Wormtail, that you have recovered no information whatsoever?"

"No, Master...there is one thing that may interest you. Auror Tonks wore an opal ring on the third finger of her left hand. It appears she is engaged, Master."

A low grumble of frustration came from the Dark Lord. Wormtail cringed and looked at the floor.

"What, Wormtail?! She's engaged, is she? Oh, how delightful! I suppose you must have snuck into the staff room and nibbled the biscuits while checking the gossip. A perfect spy to the end, truly you are!"

"Master...if you will allow me to continue...I recognise the ring, Master. It belonged to Remus Lupin, the werewolf with whom I went to school. He was given it by his mother after his father's death to pass on to the woman he chose as his wife, and he has obviously chosen Tonks. I know it's the right ring, it is a very unique one. The point is, if Tonks marries Lupin, the Ministry will have grounds to automatically dismiss her."

A smile came to the Dark Lord's lips. Though he had wanted information, disabling an Order member from everyday life was also faintly satisfying. The closeness of the evidence also pleased him; Wormtail was not such a bad spy after all.

"Bellatrix will be delighted."

* * *

Remus was extremely nervous about marrying Tonks. It would no doubt be a lovely wedding; they were returning to the village he had grown up in, and it would be a private little ceremony in a Muggle Registry Office. Though they didn't live as Muggles, Remus and Tonks were registered as British citizens and the paperwork was all there. A few close family and friends would be attending, and Tonks had purchased a lovely white dress she didn't know he knew about. They would have a little party at the Burrow, and then return to the flat as man and wife. It would probably be a very happy day, or could be, if only he would let go of the thoughts of its consequences. The thought of Tonks suffering what he had been through, losing her job and flat, shuffling around in clothes that she had had for ten years and getting thin and tired...at least she would not experience the wrinkles. It was a tragedy to think of that happening to a vibrant young woman such as her. Though waiting a couple of years for marriage could have produced similar effects, she was right about the Ministry. He did not want her to be unemployed. 

"Still," he was reassured. "There are worse things in life. She is willing to be your companion, Remus. With her as your wife, you will have no loneliness."

"Oh, I don't know about that." Remus reminded Arthur. Arthur, slightly older than him, had skills of compassion which were equal to his wife's, though less employed. In addition, though Remus had never ever told him this, he reminded him a little of another kindly British eccentric who had spent many years of his life trying to cure him.

"Marriage is hard, no matter what the context. Yours, obviously, doesn't have the best timing. I don't fully understand why you're rushing."

"It was Tonks's idea more than mine...she is right, we could die soon, and I do want her to be my wife, even if the legal consequences will be awful."

"The first year can be the worst." Arthur told him. "It's hard to settle into a pattern, which must seem strange for our domestic family. You think you're the worst couple in the world, you should never have done something so foolish, and even if you love each other it was silly to think you could live together. Believe me, I've been there. You'll be fine, I assure you."

"You and Molly are perfect, though, Arthur. You cannot deny that. You were together in Hogwarts. "

"Just because I do not divulge everything I've been through with my wife as you are with me, Mr Lupin, it's not fair to assume we have no problems. Have faith, Remus. You've chosen a dangerous climate to marry in, and marriage is not easy, but you and Tonks are strong people. And you love each other."

Remus nodded, "That we do."

"Stay faithful, keep believing it will work, and it can. And one more thing..."

"Yes?"

"When's her birthday?" Arthur asked him quizzically.

"The seventh of May." Remus replied, slightly confused.

"Don't forget that." his friend told him, wisely.

The wedding was taking place at the earliest possible time. The Registry Office staff were very suspicious of Remus and Nymphadora, and at first didn't believe those could possibly be their real names, even if they did each have a birth certificate to prove it. The early timing and minimal amount of guests (Arthur, Molly, Bill, Fleur, Mad-Eye, Kingsley, Tonks's parents and a few more people who could be bothered to turn up for 8 in the morning). Nymphadora insisted on doing things properly, and was in a separate room changing into her dress while Remus stood awkwardly outside, waiting for the room to be prepared. As he did so, he heard Tonks's mother talk worriedly to her.

"Nymphadora, I know you don't want to hear me say this, but..."

"For what I seriously hope will be the last time, Mum, I am marrying Remus whether you like it or not. He has been a werewolf since I knew him and not once have I allowed it to change my opinion of him."

"Marriage is not the same as just being together, Nymphadora."

"We have been through a lot together, Mum, more than you seem to realise. We can handle marriage, we _will _be married and we will be _damn_ happy."

"I'm concerned for your safety. What if you lose your job?"

"I don't trust the Ministry any more anyway."

"You'll never be able to afford your flat."

"We'll live under a bridge. I don't particularly care."

There was a pause, and Tonks's mother responded with Remus's own thoughts.

"Poverty and degradation seem painless to those who have yet to experience them."

There was another pause. Remus's fingers twitched nervously, and he was momentarily terrified that she would turn around and cancel it all.

"Mum...I have faith in Remus, I have faith in our marriage, why can't you! I want this to be the best day of my life, don't you _dare_ ruin it for me!"

She sounded close to tears, and Remus felt like he loved her more than anything. She had so much faith in him, so much patience. She was positive, she was strong...she was young. He did not want to destroy her optimism, he had to embrace their marriage as she wanted to. Nymphadora Tonks, that spirited and beautiful woman he loved so dearly, would be his wife. They would be together forever...in the presence of God, even if it wasn't church...she would take his surname, their families, however unfortunate the result, would be one...and, unfortunately, she would be legally tied to a Dark Creature. He was then invited into the room to marry, and walked slowly to the front of it while the guests found their seats.

As Remus tried to dispel the thought of tying her down, the doors opened, and she walked in. Her dress robes were off-white, having been washed several times by their previous owners, but she looked radiant in them. She had decided to be married with her natural brown hair, but it was soft and flowing, not lank. In true Tonks fashion, she wore a bright pink rose in her hair and a winning smile. There was hope in her young, heart-shaped face, and it reassured her fiancé. He smiled genuinely at her, and took her hands in his when she joined him at the altar.

"I, Remus John Lupin, take you, Nymphadora Andromeda Tonks, to be my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part." The last line was particularly poignant, and both of them tensed slightly when saying it.

"Just as this circle is without end, my love for you is eternal. Just as it is made of incorruptible substance, my commitment to you will never fail. With this ring, I thee wed"

He concluded determinedly, and gently slid the ring onto her finger. and she smiled, her violet eyes glittering under a film of water.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

They leant towards each other and kissed warmly, as bright rays of early morning sunshine burst through the windows and illuminated them.

The congregation, tiny as it was, stood. They signed their marriage certificate, and Arthur and Molly signed as witnesses to the marriage. As they stepped out, they were greeted with confetti from the other six Weasley children and Hermione, all of whom were smiling with congratulations. Some of the confetti, shaped like hearts and flowers, settled on them, and Remus was suddenly overcome with temptation to take her and kiss her properly. Unfortunately, she did it first, throwing her bouquet towards the guests as she did so. It was caught deftly...by Fleur.

"Quelle surprise!" she giggled as Bill put an arm around her, and Remus and Tonks broke apart and applauded her. Neither of them could stop smiling.

"Oi, Tonks." Fred said, with a playful grin on his face. "What do we call you now?"

"You could always not take the surname." Ginny said, firmly implying some feminist pride in the new bride.

"Or call her Dora?" her father suggested. "It's what we've always called her."

Tonks sighed. "Remus can call me Dora, but the rest of you can just call me Tonks. I don't really want to let go of it."

"That's my girl!" her father said proudly, while her mother frowned.

"Does no one think 'Nymphadora' is acceptable?" she grumbled, as the wedding party made its way towards their Portkey to the Burrow. Remus, his arm still linked with his wife's, cheerfully responded.

"I've always liked it. She just doesn't let me use it." he told his mother-in-law, and she smiled at him, perhaps not fully intentionally.

After the party at the Burrow, in which they had both wedding cake and chocolate mousse, as well as Tonks's favourite roast beef for lunch, they returned to their flat in the late afternoon. He carried her over the threshold, and before long, they were getting rather passionate on their old, comfortable bed. The sun was setting and cast a soft, dim light over their room through the hastily drawn curtains. The bedsprings creaked dangerously, but neither of them cared. Their sole occupation was with each other, and how glorious it was to have married and come out of it alive. However good it was to kiss her over and over and allow himself to be overcome with passion, Remus had to pause her as she began to occupy herself with getting rid of the dress robes.

"Did you buy a Contraceptive Potion, Dora?" It was strangely gratifying to use her new name. "Because...we haven't discussed this much yet, I know, but now is not a good time for us to have..."

"I know." she said. "But I didn't want to have to grind to a halt and go and drink a potion either, which is _why_ I bought the Morning After Potion." She had a chirpiness about her which probably came from the wine she had drunk as much as the ecstasy of being newly wed.

"Ah, is that the pink stuff in the bathroom?" he said, sighing with relief.

"Yes, that's it. I have to drink it within 12 hours after we...you know...to avoid getting pregnant, which I think I can manage. One hundred percent effective, apparently. Quite expensive though, I won't use it more than once. Just on special occasions!"

"OK..." he said, nervously.

"Now." she said, confidently, leaning her face to his. "We have paused for far too long, Mr Lupin."

"I quite agree, _Mrs_ Lupin." he said, meeting her lips and arms again.

The morning after, however, was not as pleasant as they had hoped. They woke in each others arms, but to the sound of heavy knocking on the door. Dora, more alert in the mornings than her husband, pulled on a dressing gown and answered it. To her horror, she was greeted by a short, fat woman dressed entirely in pink, with a smile that reminded Dora of a toad. She was accompanied by two huge, hefty-looking guards, who glared at the petite, pink-haired newly wed with irrational dislike.

"Ms Umbridge? What brings you to my...humble home?"

"Well, Miss Tonks, or should I say, Mrs Lupin..." Dora felt a shiver go down her spine. "We have received...intelligence that yesterday, at 9.45 am, you married a Remus John Lupin. I'm sorry to tell you this, my darling, but he happens to be...a werewolf."

Dora laughed, despite herself. "I do know that."

Umbridge's pleasant smile increased dangerous. "If you willingly join yourself to a half-breed, my dear, you thoroughly deserve to be treated as one. Mrs Lupin, from now on your status is precisely equal to that of your new husband. Therefore, under our laws, you cannot work in the Ministry. You are hereby dismissed."

Tonks gasped. She didn't expect to lose her job so quickly, and even if she did, she had hoped she would be able to retain some dignity when it happened, which was very hard to do in a skimpy dressing gown first thing in the morning. Remus, who was leaning against the bedroom door and afraid to emerge, cursed himself inwardly.

"You must also evacuate these premises. Under law, you now jointly rent this property with your husband, which we cannot possibly allow. You will gather your essentials and evacuate immediately. Don't bother protesting, we have full legal rights to defend ourselves..." she smiled widely and twirled her wand, and a little laugh bubbled from her throat.

Dora was silent for a moment, before painfully responding. "Alright."

Remus, taking pains to remain silent, turned and threw himself onto the unmade bed in despair. In a few short hours, he had personally ruined his wife's life. How could they stay married like this? He turned his face into the pillow, only for his wife to burst in, quickly gathering items.

"Remus, get dressed. We have to go...just gather up all the important stuff."

Feeling almost physically sick with misery, Remus joined her in frantically running around for precious items; photographs, family heirlooms, trinkets, clothing...

As they scurried out, goods in arms, both as shabbily dressed as each other and their heads bent in worry and hopelessness, the door of their cosy flat was slammed and locked, never to be opened to them again.

As they trundled downstairs with the guards behind them, not speaking in a horrific contrast to the passion of last night, a terrible thought added to Tonks's worries.

"My potion..."


	4. Trouble and Strife

**A/N:** Back from holiday! VERY long new chapter arriving. Love and virtual cakes to reviewers and readers.

**Chapter Four: Trouble and Strife**

Despite her earlier convictions, Tonks was grateful she did not have to live under a bridge with Remus. It would have been difficult to sleep with the sound of traffic. Instead, they were immediately welcomed, though with some disappointment, at her old family home in Surrey, and given the spare room instead of Tonks's old bedroom.

Never in her wildest imagination could she have pictured her first full day of marriage to be so miserable. Remus was deeply depressed by her having lost her job and their flat, and spoke very little. She tried to chat cheerfully with her parents over dinner; she and her dad seemed to have a mutual pretence that it was really Christmas, or something, and she and Remus were just staying the night. Remus and her mother had eaten their gammon steak and pineapple in virtual silence. They were civil to each other and to Ted and Dora, but there was sadness and crushing disappointment poorly concealed in their voices and eyes. Both of them had known, deep down, that the marriage would start badly, but it gave them no pleasure to be right.

The next two weeks were relatively peaceful, with few Order meetings and the only real mission being not to let anything leak about the coming Harry Potter mission. It would have seemed that two weeks off would be ideal for the newlyweds, but it created a life devoid of distractions, forcing them both to dwell on their problems. Remus was guilty, even more so than he had been, and though he made an effort to smile for his wife the smiles were so transparent they meant nothing to her. The afternoons they spent together, when her parents were both at work, however, were still her favourite part of the day. It brought back warm memories of Grimmauld Place, when the war was not so intense, and there was Sirius, and huge cups of tea, and talking to Remus all afternoon while caressing his thigh with her foot and pretending not to realise she was doing it. One afternoon, when she shrieked loudly with laughter at something he said, she half expected Mrs Black's voice to come screeching from the kitchen. It was the first time they had laughed together since their wedding night, when she had still managed to knock over a plant pot despite being in his arms, not on the ground. After its brief laugh and smile, her husband's face returned to lines of misery, and they sat in silence once again.

During this moment of anxiety, a little problem that had been bothering her returned to her mind, and she walked into their bedroom, saying nothing to him, to get her diary. She was a little lazy with organisation and so really only used the diary to keep track of one thing, and that thing was becoming overdue. Arguably, she was stressed, but she had never skipped that time of the month in her life and this was hardly one of the most stressful times she had experienced. Resolving to mention nothing to Remus and carry on as normal for fear of upsetting him further, she threw the diary into a corner and sat in a chair at her old desk, trying to acheive a 'I am a strong woman who will not break at any obstacle' look about her, only to slump and hang her head in worry.

The door creaked a little, and Remus wandered in, his amber eyes showing sympathy for her after having wondered why she'd just got up and left. He saw his pain in her for the first time, and knelt beside her on the floor. Silently, he cupped her face in his hand and turned it to him, and there were tears falling down her cheeks. Before they knew it, he was hugging her, and the kiss she planted on his reassuring mouth was repeated, with more passion, and before long they were going to the bed as if it were a dream, and kissing like it was their wedding day.

An hour later, they returned to their senses in each other's warm arms, when the sun was setting and the clock told them they had somewhere to be. After meeting with their friends and fellow Order members, they met at Harry Potter's house, both feeling relatively good.

The 'Harry Potter' Tonks was accompanied by was Ron, with whom she had never had many conversations, but had been told a lot about by Ginny and Hermione. He talked to her awkwardly as they flew.

"So...er...how's life at the Ministry? Dad's having a hard time of it, he says you can't talk to anyone these days without feeling like you're being watched."

"I don't work there any more, I got sacked."

"Blimey, you? Wait...is that because you married..."

"Yeah..." she said, trying to sound casual.

"Sorry about that."

"Not your fault." she said, cheerfully, feeling happy that she and Remus were acting like lovers, not friends, again. Unfortunately, the feeling could not last long. Black shapes circled around her and Ron like vultures, and one particular shape swooped in front of them, forcing Tonks to halt her broom in mid air to prevent a collision that could have knocked her and Ron out of the sky. The Death Eater removed her hood; it was Bellatrix, who smiled evilly at her.

"Greetings, _niece_. I've heard about your happy news. How's the werewolf? Are you expecting cubs yet?" Her grin vanished as she was blasted back with a Stunning Spell from her niece. As she restored herself, Tonks conversed with her while she and Ron kept the others at bay, flying at random amongst them.

"Yes, there's twelve of them. Seven boys, five girls. I'm going to name one of them after you." Tonks said with insolent pride. "After all, you've been such a dear auntie to me all my life..." Bellatrix screamed at her, and a powerful blast of green light shot past her ear as the broom tipped her out of its way.

"Bloody hell!" Ron shouted. It was he who had manoeuvred the broom. "Do you have a bloody death wish?!"

She thanked him profusely and gripped the broom handle, zooming away as Ron cursed emphatically behind her, both magically and verbally. Bellatrix was not going to give up; she was livid about her niece's choice of husband, and wanted her to die for it, and for the equally dreadful relationship that had created her own life. As their journey ended, she was presented in a split second with the choice of falling off the broom or submitting to Avada Kedavra. Images of her life streamed before her eyes when they was stoppered as the green curse flew into the open air after its user was Stunned in the chest.

"Ron, you're incredible!" she said, when they flew down to the Burrow's garden under its protective spells, clapping her passenger on the shoulder now that she could safely take a hand off the broom.

"Always the tone of surprise..."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I went through the same thing..."

"Really?" he asked, happily, as they landed. Tonks threw himself into Remus's waiting arms, and told him everything. The colour drained from his face, their brief happiness completely over. He let go of her and followed the others into the house.

She found herself thinking of their child. If indeed they were having one, it had survived its first battle.

Unfortunately, while the most fragile of human lives, if it was alive in the first place, had made it, one of the strongest had not. Mad-Eye was dead; it seemed impossible, implausible. She had imagined his futures as an old man, a war veteran; he'd be the one who told their stories to their children, he'd address the people at the end of it, he was a symbol of their strength. And now he was gone where so many other heroes had, and had done so doing what he liked best. Regardless of how painless Avada Kedavra apparently was, it broke her heart to think of him dead. If he was dead, what hope did any of them have? The thought of having a family with Remus, even if she was pregnant, which was unlikely anyway, seemed completely impossible.

Days later, they were attending Bill and Fleur's wedding. There had been no intimacy between her and her husband for a while. Amongst friends they kept up appearances; holding hands, exchanging the occasional kiss, if only because neither of them wanted to be interrogated about the emotions that were not tearing their marriage apart, but were making a damn good attempt to. Remus was even more haunted by guilt after Bellatrix; at home, he would stay very quiet and sometimes, if she watched him closely, his very features would convulse with the strain his mind and soul were under. She watched him at Bill and Fleur's wedding, not getting onto the dance floor but drinking more and more wine. No one was paying attention to the way he was driving himself to pass out, except her, of course. She decided to approach him, take him by the hand and lead him to the dance floor, and she lift herself abruptly from her chair, only to be overcome by a sensation of dizziness. Disorientated, she steadied herself and took a deep breath, unconsciously saying "Whoa". Molly, who had eyes like a hawk, spotted this immediately and took her by the arm.

"Are you OK, dear?" she asked, softly, taking her to the living room.

"Yes, I'm fine. I just..."

"Time of the month thing?" Molly said, quietly, though there was no one around.

"Yes, that's it. No need to go and get Remus, I'll just have a little rest in here and I'll be right back."

"OK, then." Molly said. "We have this tea, by the way, for times like that. I give it to Ginny when she...well, has an uncomfortable time. I could fix you some."

"Thanks, I'm OK." she said, and Molly, still smiling, left the room to go back to the wedding reception.

When she was alone, Tonks took in the living room around her and the soft sofa she was lying on. What was happening to her was far from natural, it was no good, she would have to buy a test tomorrow. But then what? She reached for a cushion and subconsciously placed it over her stomach, with her hands over the top of it. She dug her fingers into its soft material and wondered when her marriage would be what she wanted it to be.

The door creaked, and Ginny Weasley came in. She had changed out of her bridesmaid's dress into a pretty top and long skirt, and looked far more natural. She smiled at her friend and sat down beside her.

"I'm sick of being in there. Mum said you weren't feeling well, so I thought I'd come and hang around with you."

"Wotcher." she said, happily, her thoughts leaving her. "How are you? I hear you kissed Harry yesterday?"

"Who told you?"

"Hermione."

"Oh, yeah...it's nice to know he still...wants me, but he's never going to change his mind and let me come along with him. I didn't think it was right to hate things about people you love, but I really do hate his stupid hero complex."

"Don't worry about Harry. He's a good man, and he'll come round. At least now you know how he feels."

"It's easy for you to be optimistic." Ginny said bitterly, folding her arms in frustration at her ex-boyfriend. "You've bagged your man. He's yours for life."

Despite the pain Ginny's comment brought up, she could not help laughing at her young friend's belief. "It really doesn't stop there, Ginny. Believe me."

Ginny turned her round, freckled face towards Tonks's and looked at her. "Is it...I mean, are you and Remus...you must love each other, surely?"

"Oh, of course we do." Tonks assured her. They hadn't said 'I love you' to each other in several days, but there was love there. "But there are other factors. You may think, as I did, that if you love each other nothing can break through that. I hope that's true to some extent. But, you see, I was sacked from my job for marrying Remus, and we lost our flat. And then the other day, my dear Auntie Bellatrix tried to kill me several times for marrying him."

"God!"

"I know. It freaked me out somewhat. I can cope with unemployment and living with my parents, but being nearly murdered is very disconcerting, not to mention the strain it's giving my relationship. And what's more..."

"What?"

"Nothing." she said. She had come dangerously close to revealing her secret, and unfortunately, Ginny had her mother's perception skills.

"What else?" she asked. "Did...did he bite you or something? Is that why you look ill?"

"I _look _ill?"

"Yeah, you do. Maybe it's the pale hair. It kind of drains you."

"Well, no, I'm not a werewolf. We've been very careful in that department..."

"You're pregnant?" Ginny said. Tonks reacted before she could think of a sensible way to react, and when she realised that her eyes had nearly popped out of her head, she leaned back on the sofa, and stroked the cushion. Ginny looked at her with reproach.

"I could be." she said. "I don't know yet. It looks very likely. I'm going to buy a test tomorrow."

"If you are pregnant, will you keep the baby?"

"Of course! It's my baby." she said, her voice acquiring a tone neither she nor Ginny had heard in it before. "Remus will explode, perhaps literally judging by the way he's been twitching, the Order will think we're idiots for forgetting contraception in the middle of a war and I'll probably be kept in a room padded with cotton wool 'for my protection'. But...if I am having a baby, I want to have the baby."

Ginny nodded in comprehension. She couldn't fully understand, after all, she was not pregnant and had not felt the rush of maternal love Tonks had when she realised the baby was a survivor like its father...but her smile was warm and understanding.

"I'll support you. They can't push you to one side and make you sit at home and gestate. It's not right! Hermione will agree, I know she will."

Feeling extremely relieved that her two youngest friends would support her, and that her anxiety over her potential pregnancy had finally been shared, Tonks relaxed and smiled a little.

The next day, after sneaking out to purchase her pregnancy test, she rushed to the bathroom with as much hurriedness as she had when the Death Eater had been following her. Whoever it was was fairly amateurish, or perhaps she was professional, because she had given him the slip easily. Perhaps it had something to do with the unusual costume; he was obviously too foolish to realise that while a Metamorphmagus could not change her gender, she could make herself look very masculine, and how should he know that Andromeda and Ted Tonks didn't have an innocent son with rather feminine eyes?

The test was apparently one hundred percent accurate. If she was pregnant, she had only been so for three weeks, but the woman at the counter assured her that the potion could easy detect her pregnancy at this very early stage. She barricaded herself in the bathroom and prepared the potion, but could not bring herself to commence the test for a good twenty minutes. Not fully sure how she felt, she sat against the door, staring at the clear liquid which would determine her future. If she was pregnant, the Order would bundle her away from the war she wanted to help end; instead, her energy would be used to create another human being, one that would be hers and Remus's, who would love them and who they would love. She would be clever like her father, but with her mother's sense of humour...he would be cheeky like his mother, but with his father's compassion for others...

"Dora? Are you alright? You've been in there for quite a while." He sounded concerned, but weary; if she was ill, it was yet another strain on his mind, heart and soul, and there were so many things it was too much to give each one the attention it deserved.

"I'm fine, Remus." she said, her voice coming out hoarse and strange.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." she said, finitely, and heard his feet move across the carpet. Feeling extremely silly, she got up, and took the test, trying to blank her head of thoughts and remain calm.

One agonising minute later, and she was crying again.


	5. Don't Break My Heart

**A/N:** Merlin, is this chapter LONG! I'm sorry, let me know if it bothers you. Also, I know I usually kill off Remus's father at an early age, but this time I didn't. This was hard to write, so forgive me if it's one of the worse chapters. Poor Remus and Tonks. Reviews appreciated!

**Chapter Five: Don't Break My Heart**

Remus spent the morning in the sitting room, reading one of Andromeda and Ted's books. He was used to whiling away hours of unemployment, but now he could not go out because there was a Death Eater waiting outside the protective wards on the house. He wondered if his was as amateurish as Stan Shunpike, who had pursued his wife. Amateur or professional, he was in no mood to take the risk.

He felt as if he was going insane. He tried extremely hard to keep his feelings together, hating to lose control of them, hence the technique of burying himself in a book. His in-laws were both at home today and were sympathetic after hearing what had happened at Bill and Fleur's wedding. However, he still got the feeling they resented what he was causing to happen to their daughter. Today she was acting especially odd; she had been in the bathroom for half an hour, then gone straight to the bedroom. He may have been mistaken, but he heard her sniffing and snivelling as if she had been crying. It was fully understandable, but still upsetting. Her cheerful disposition had always given him so much to hope for, especially now there was little of that left.

Placing the book gently on the arm of the armchair, he decided to quietly head upstairs and talk to her. Moving the door of their bedroom open, he sensed a smell of chalk and heard nothing but scratching. He peered inside to see his wife energetically moving around a large piece of paper, picking up colours that were scattered around it and drawing...something. The art was confusing, but he liked the determined expression on her face as she drew. She seemed to be throwing herself into her art.

"What are you drawing?"

"It's not really a 'what'." she explained to Remus's baffled face. He had never understood that art didn't have to be 'of' something. "I just like to draw things all over a bit of paper to go with what I'm feeling. That, and make good colours for hair inspiration."

The picture was a mixture of greys, blues and browns. There was a streak of pink here and there, and an enormous blotch of red, but altogether it looked a miserable scene.

"You're not happy then?"

"No, not really."

She didn't seem to be in much of a conversational mood, so he gave her a swift smile and turned for the door.

"You've got charcoal smudged on your nose."

"It'll come off." she said, concentrating on her picture. He sighed, and went back downstairs, not wanting to return to the book but not wanting to spend time in the bedroom awkwardly watching Nymphadora. She seemed to make it clear that she did not want his company. Even she of much faith was no doubt beginning to realise that the more time she spent with him, the worse her life became. One fortunate thing was that could not get worse than it already was, unless he bit her, and that was another possibility. As much as he respected that she was finally sympathising with his concerns, part of him longed for her to touch him, hold him, tell him once again that she didn't care. Except she finally did care now, and it would not be long till they had a polite discussion about going their seperate ways. She had so much courage and energy it would be unfair to assume any other option was possible.

Lounging in the hall between the stairs and the living room, the old piano caught his eye. He had learnt some piano at Hogwarts as the Shrieking Shack contained one, and he would play it to while away the time. Amazingly, his alter-ego had never caused it too much damage. And so, he sat at it, feeling like he was alone even though his parents-in-law were not far away, and tapped miserably at it until he could remember a tune. A flash of anger struck him as the bad feelings he tried to repress surfaced, and he slammed childishly on a few keys. As soon as the painful note sounded, he felt a twinge of regret for having slipped both physically and mentally. Andromeda snapped out of her own book and glared furiously at him.

"Do you mind? That is a family heirloom."

"I'm sorry..." he said, not knowing what to continue that with. "I'm sorry." Feeling thoroughly useless, he tapped the keys some more, hoping he could remember a tune that wasn't 'Jingle Bells'. And then, all of a sudden, it came to him. It was a song Wormtail knew from guitar and which they had attempted to transfer to piano. With a little adaptation it had sounded OK, and it was somewhere between cheerful and sad. When transferred to minor key, which Remus could do without too much effort, it sounded better, but of course more tragic. He stumbled his way across it, then played it again more fluently, hoping to lose his own thoughts in the music as Dora was in her art.

"See?" Andromeda said, sounding warmer. "Instruments sound so much better when you treat them with respect."

"I know, I just..."

"Don't worry about it too much, Remus. You can't possibly have done as much damage to it as that girl. The number of times she used it as a seat!"

"You could say she brought a new meaning to the term 'bum notes'." Ted said with a chuckle. Remus laughed quietly, and felt for the first time that he was genuinely getting along with his in-laws. Perhaps, if they all made an effort, they would become something resembling a family...

Family had never been much of a big deal for him since he left childhood. At boarding school, somewhere he had felt comfortable, safe and loved despite being apart from his parents, it was all about friendship and loyalty, and those were the qualities he valued. Those were what the good valued; it was people like Bellatrix Lestrange who obsessed over family. His duty and destiny was the war and his friends, who were like siblings themselves and yet different because they had chosen to be together.

Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs had not just chosen to be together, they had made a vow at the end of their years at Hogwarts to stay together. There had been a photographer coming in who was willing to take photos of friendship groups as well as Houses if the friends in question paid a small deposit. Of course the four of them had leapt at the opportunity, and as they queued for their portrait, they had agreed that they would be loyal to each other for ever.

The only way left now to honour the memories of Padfoot and Prongs, and Dumbledore for that matter, was to volunteer to help Harry. He obviously had some mission separate from their knowledge; Arthur had privately mentioned that he thought the trio of Harry, Ron and Hermione were planning something. Remus saw no reason why he would not be able to help him. By all means, as someone with extensive knowledge of Defence Against the Dark Arts, his contribution to their mission would be far more productive and positive than the way he was ruining his own marriage. He loved and adored Tonks with all his heart, but what was the real purpose of it? If he helped Harry he would make the world a better place. If he improved things with Tonks, nothing would change apart from his own little domestic life, and happiness was not his destiny. Looking at the past, it was obvious. Besides, the sacrifice of his own happiness was decent payback for the times he had let Dumbledore down and risked lives, not only as a teenager but as an adult. The mission with the werewolves had been so unsuccessful he felt he had to try again, even if it did turn his poor wife's hair brown. She was stronger than she looked, and would realise now that living without him was good for her.

That evening, after dinner, he and Dora met up in the bedroom. They sat together on the end of her bed, and he could see them both in her mirror. She looked young, but her hair was the same dark blue as the dress she had worn the time he dreamt her death. She wasn't looking at him or herself, instead plucking at the ends of her Weird Sister's T-shirt, which was looking slightly threadbare. He, in contrast, looked so old; the photo version of him two years' ago with her and Sirius looked positively youthful and then he had thought he looked bad. His skin had acquired a greyish tone to match the hair, but the eyes had never changed.

"So what shall we do tonight?" she asked. "Do you remember when you would read me poems? I always liked your voice." she spoke so softly and quietly, and it was heartbreaking to think of leaving her. However, he was a firm believer in what is and ought to be, and Fate, or God, or whoever, was making it painfully obvious that;

"We shouldn't have gotten married, should we?"

She sighed. "No, I admit we were better as we were. Much happier, more free. But getting a divorce, in legal terms only obviously, probably wouldn't reverse everything that's happened, Remus. Bellatrix is still going to want to kill me. She has done for two years."

"Not as much as now."

"Still..." she began, and said something lengthy and optimistic. It seemed her spirit had not quite been quashed, although her speech was monotonous and she seemed to be saying the words for his sake and her own but helping neither of them.

"Dora...do you think we belong together?"

"Of course I do." she said. "I've never...I...I truly feel you are my soulmate. Doesn't the Patronus signify that?"

"Yes, it does, and I feel the same way, but I wonder sometimes." she began to protest, but he held up a hand to ask her to allow him to speak. "Every time I've cared about someone, every time I've..._connected_ with them, if that makes sense, it's gone horribly wrong. It happened to James and Lily and Sirius and now it's happening to you and I...can't..._stand_ _it_..."

He had to pause for a moment to swallow the lump in his throat. He covered his eyes and felt her warm hand come over his, the metal of her wedding ring brushing against his finger.

"I feel that I ought not to settle domestically. Much as I love you, I know that it is all building up to something terrible. I've dreamt it, for goodness' sake. Instead, I should go with Harry. Advise him, protect him..."

She had wrenched her hand from his, and he could feel her furious glare.

"...after all, it would be extremely helpful for the war..."

"Are you about to leave me? Again?" she demanded, standing up, her voice quavering a little.

"It's for a good reason!" he protested, trying to ignore the rage that was contorting her pretty face.

"It was for a _good reason _last year! I thought you regretted that, I thought you agreed we were meant to be together, that's why you married me!"

"You said yourself the marriage was a mistake." he reminded her, feeling his left hand twitch with the tension he was straining to control.

"It's been three weeks, for God's sake! You can't turn your back after three weeks! Did you take your vows seriously or not?"

"My going with Harry would be better for both of us and the world."

"ANSWER THE QUESTION! Did you take the vows seriously?"

"Yes!" he said, looking into her eyes. They seemed harder, and the sparkle in them seemed dangerous rather than beautiful.

"Which part of the vows said that it was perfectly reasonable for a husband to cast his wife aside after three weeks and go running off..."

"To help the war!" he said, standing up himself. He was several inches taller than her, making him seem physically superior, but had rarely raised his voice to her before now.

"I thought you believed in our cause as much as I did. You have family and friends who are Muggleborn. You yourself are a half-blood shapeshifter married to...a half-blood shapeshifter, I guess. And yet you believe it is _more important_ that I stay with you, making you _more_ miserable and pushing _your_ life into the gutter I might add, than stopping this country from becoming overrun by EVIL!" He could feel his temper rising, but he felt a little justified. It _was _unfair of her to force him to stay when there was a war to be fought, just so they could work on their marriage. Who cared about their marriage besides themselves?

"Remus, this isn't about me!" she spluttered. Her face crumpled as she began to cry. She sat back down on the bed and covered her face with her hands, sobbing into her palms for the second time that day. He immediately felt himself melt. This was going to be hell. For the second time.

"Dora, is there something you're not telling me?" he asked her. His voice had returned to the same soft, hoarse one she had liked to hear poetry from. She looked at him, tears still running down her cheeks, breathing still heavy.

"I'm pregnant." she said.

His heart skipped a beat. Its opinion (or the opinion of the more gentle side of his nature, to be scientifically accurate) differed so much from the sensible reaction of his mind that he felt as if he had a split personality. They couldn't have a baby in the middle of the war! How could they be so stupid to have conceived one? He felt like kicking himself, or something else, in frustration, but it would not have been fair to her to be angry immediately.

"When did we..."

"Our wedding night." she blurted. "I couldn't take the Morning After Potion because Umbridge kicked us out of the flat."

Yes, they were going to have a baby. A baby conceived with love on one of the happiest days of its parents' lives! It would be a combination of him and her, they would love it, raise it, care for it, teach it to be a loyal, strong and open-hearted person...

That, and there was delicious irony in that fact that Umbridge had inadvertently released another half-breed into the world.

"Remus...are you happy?" she asked, quietly, her hand over her stomach.

Before answering, he said; "Are you?"

"All I'm unhappy about is that I might not be allowed to fight. And that we won't be able to give it the quality of life it deserves, our financial status being somewhat dead." she said. "Apart from that, I'm happy. I really want us to have a family. I think..."

"Dora, have you thought about us for a moment? Biologically? I mean if lycanthropy can be passed on by biting, it can surely be passed on from parent to child. If this baby is born, its life is not going to be good. It will be like mine, worse than mine! Oh, Dora, what have we done?!"

"And if it doesn't have lycanthropy?" she asked, trying hard to make him feel positive about their child.

"And if it doesn't..." Remus thought. If he had a normal child, what kind of father would he be? Something like his own father...

_The old teddy bear had received many tears and many hugs in his lifetime, but not so much lately as the little boy who had once owned him ignored him as he grew up. In the living room below the bedroom the bear was propped in, what was now a young man could be heard arguing with his father. The family, who had always been united and peaceful, had never really fallen out until today, when Mr Lupin had finally told his son the truth behind his bite._

_"You mean...it was your fault?"_

_"Well, I..." Mr Lupin hesitated, only to be prompted by a pointed look from his wife. "...yes, yes, it was. Remus, you have no idea how sorry I am."_

_"Why didn't you tell me before?"_

_"Remus, you were six years old! You were already frightened by how hurt you were, and then we had to explain that you were a werewolf. We could hardly turn around and say 'Oh yes, and the werewolf was trying to hurt you because Daddy upset him', could we?" There was nothing but silence from his son. _

_"You could have told me a bit later."_

_"This is a bit later."_

_"This is eleven years later! For eleven years I have been in...so much pain...no childhood friends, people...refusing to talk to me as soon as they know...I don't even know what the future's going to hold for me with this war looming...I've been through so much agony, and now I learn that it's because of you, Dad?"_

_"Remus, you can't think I meant to..."_

_"I know, I know, but Dad, you could have avoided it so easily, and instead you...ruined my life!"_

_"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you don't know how long I've been trying to cure you, you don't know how much I regret. Every day, every night, Remus, I think about what I've done. I can never forgive myself." For the first time ever, Remus saw that his father was close to tears. His mother, also, seemed to be holding them back._

_"I'm sorry, Dad, but I just...I don't know how I can deal with this..." Before he himself could crumble, Remus had turned and began to run upstairs, hearing his mother begin to sob. They had always been such a close family, nothing, he had thought, could pull them apart. But now that he knew how easily all the pain could have been avoided, by his Dad of all people, he was not sure if he could view his parents in the same way again. _

_The teddy bear, having been neglected for years, was hugged and cried into as he had been that night at the hospital eleven years ago, the last full moon he and Remus spent together._

"...he or she would just be ashamed of me." Remus said sadly. His wife could not even cry.

"Go and help Harry then, if that's what you want. I would have thought having children would make you happy, but it looks like I'm wrong. I was just going to say you would make a wonderful father, but I seem to be wrong about that too."

Remus's heart ached for her, and for their child, but his mind oppressed them both and turned them away. _That's right. You and her are better off apart. Keep thinking that. Ignore your heart. _

"I'll leave...sometime soon." he told her, his eyes brimming with tears.

"And I'll wait for you." she said. Her never-ending patience and hope was breaking his heart as he was breaking hers. "As long as you promise to come back."

"I can't, Dora. You know I can't."

"Then I'll just...have to prepare myself again to say goodbye to you." she said, and turned away.

"Never forget that I love you." he told her the day he left. "Both of you."

"You have a funny way of showing it." were her last words, before she closed the door and he walked out of the protective wards.


	6. Heart of Hearts

**A/N:** I've been writing a lot of angst lately, you could say, so if my romance writing skills are a little off, constructive criticism is appreciated. Love to all reviewers and readers.

**Chapter Six: Heart of Hearts**

As she shut the door behind her husband, Tonks did not quite know how to feel. Part of her was furious with Remus for leaving her again, when she was expecting his baby and he knew it. It was not just her he was running out on this time around, it was their child, their potential son or daughter. And yet...he had not said he didn't love her, nor that he didn't love their baby. Her pregnancy was badly timed, and so was their marriage. Yes, her life had changed, perhaps for the worse, having married him. Yes, maybe fighting was his destiny. The thing he hadn't realised...was that he had changed the very thing her life meant. He had woven his way into her soul and now her life wasn't about doing well in her career. It was about the war, it was about love, and now it was about their baby. She made a vow, as she leant against the door trying not to cry, that if Remus did not come back she would make a double effort to be a good parent. That was the second thing Remus did not see her way; his logical mind did not believe it was a baby till it was born, and she and he were not a mother and father yet. She knew that was true, but she felt she was already a mother. The room wobbled as her eyes welled with tears, but she shook herself and put a steady hand on her stomach.

"Everything I do now is for you." she whispered, though the person she was talking to was not only unable to hear, but not even anything resembling a person yet. "I will not cry. I don't want to hurt you."

It was inevitable that her parents would notice Remus's absence, but she decided not to tell them about the pregnancy just yet. Somewhere inside her she hoped Remus would be back very soon, and they would then abide by the usual rule not to tell before she had gone three months. So far it had been roughly one month, so there was a while to go. She knew that the reason for this was that it was that the chance of miscarriage was much higher in the first three months, and did not want to tempt fate with her stress. Breathing deeply and calmly, she strode to the kitchen for breakfast.

Her mother and father came downstairs together and were surprised to see her up early, waiting to eat her cereal. When she had been a little girl she liked to eat it soggy, and had pushed the cereal down with her spoon to soak it with milk. She gave it up when she joined Hogwarts, but now felt an urge to do it again. Her parents, though having no idea what had happened, both knew something was wrong.

"It's not like you to be up this early." Ted laughed, though his eyes darted around the room as if the source of the tension would make itself clear. Tonks shrugged, and ate her cereal, feeling slightly embarrassed. Her parents did not attempt to converse with her further, and she spent the next two hours that Sunday morning drifting in and out of the rooms of the house, having occasional waves of nausea and dizziness, and wondering how to feel about Remus. For a second, she imagined that he had been killed on their doorstep by the Death Eater outside, and felt such a swoop of sickness and fear that she collapsed into the nearest living room chair. Her mum, who had been already starting to cook lunch, rushed in from the kitchen to see what had happened.

"Nymphie..." she said. "Is Remus having a long lie-in, or has he fallen into a coma?"

"He's gone." she admitted, wrapping her arms around herself and leaning into the chair. "He thinks we-I would be better off without him. I think he's gone to help Harry...he says it's more important..." At that point, she burst into tears, and could not look up.

"Merlin..." his mother said, slowly. "I was always a little wary of him, but I never thought he would...up and leave you!" She turned away from her sobbing daughter for a moment. "I swear now, if I see him again, he will be hexed from here to bloody Jupiter!" Tonks had never heard such fury in her mother's voice. When she looked up at her, she saw that she had her fists clenched and she was shaking with rage. Tonks didn't really want to know what her dad would have to say. Angry as she was with Remus, it would still give her heart a pang to hear her father threatening to rip his arms off. However, Ted Tonks had no plans to tear Remus apart. He came downstairs, with a copy of the newspaper in his hands that he had been reading for the past hour, and saw his daughter in tears being comforted by her mother.

"Dora...what's happened?" He asked, his face turning pale with distress.

Tonks gasped and rapidly explained in the same words she had to her mother. Ted sighed heavily and perched on the arm of the chair, rubbing his daughter's hair in a fatherly expression of sympathy but not showing as much emotion as Andromeda.

"Ted, if he tries to come back, don't let him." Andromeda said vehemently. "He's right, she is better off without him. Much better off. You deserve a man who loves you, sweetheart."

Her daughter sobbed like never before, and almost drowned out her father's hesitant words.

"I'm going to be honest and say I don't think Remus doesn't love her, 'Dromeda. That's one thing I've never really doubted. I think Dora's clever enough to tell when a man loves her and when he doesn't. I think our son-in-law..."

"Don't call him that, you make it sound like he's one of our family."

"Which he is. Just think about it for a moment...Look, I'm no expert, but things have been building up and up...first Dora loses her job, then the flat, then your sister tries to kill her, then the Death Eaters were at that wedding they went to. Not to mention everything that's happening outside their personal circle, which is pretty severe as well. And Remus was friends with Lily and James Potter, right?" Tonks nodded. "And after what they went through as well. And Sirius, I remember how much that upset you both. With all that in mind, I think that...I can _see _that...Remus was going to snap at one point or other. He probably just didn't want to do it in front of Dora."

"Dad, he's gone to help Harry..."

"Harry probably needs his help. He's just a kid."

"I don't see why you're siding with him, Ted! Look what he's done to our daughter!"

"I'm not taking anyone's _side_! I just don't think there's any malice involved. I guess maybe I am being sympathetic. He's not the only one our society's got it in for..." Ted reached behind him, and showed them both the newspaper he had been reading.

"Muggle Born Registration Commission. The Ministry, or rather the Death Eaters since the terms have become interchangeable, want to interrogate us all about where we _stole our magic_ from."

"We won't let them get hold of you." Dora said, ceasing to cry. She felt a sudden warm rush of love for her dad, not only because of the threat to his safety, but also due to his defence of her husband, who she hoped had meant to do good by leaving. "You'll be safe here, dad."

"We can't all stay here forever...how will we get food?"

"I could get my friends to bring it." she said.

"I don't want to put the family in danger...I don't agree with what Remus has done to Dora, of course I don't, but now that this has happened, I think I understand why..."

Knowing that her hormones were raging, Tonks burst into tears again, and the family shared an mutually anguished group hug.

The next seven days were agony, much worse than it had been the previous year with the knowledge that Remus had abandoned two people rather than one. She moved back into her old bedroom, though it wasn't her bedroom any more as her parents had redecorated it as an extra guest room. Her single bed had been pushed into the other guest room she had shared with Remus to create an awkward double bed with the one there. But the old window seat was still there, and she would frequently curl up there, holding a cushion to her stomach and wondering if she would her husband come back up the garden path. Tonks tried to assume Remus was alive, for if he wasn't, it wouldn't take them long to find out. It was a while before the next full moon, so she knew that on that account he was safe. But she found it difficult to love him as unconditionally as she had. Her feelings were still very mixed, which her parents did not help; her dad was worried for his own and his family's safety and talked little about it, but he continued to believe with his daughter that her husband loved her. Her mum tried to believe with them as they were often right, but she hated to see Dora so unhappy and would often mutter empty but violent threats under her breath on days when her daughter was particularly weepy.

Tonks herself shifted in a similar way; sometimes she woke up feeling positive, thinking that he was with Harry and probably helping whatever they were doing, and she had married a hero. He loved her so much he was prepared to sacrifice his time with her to give her a better life. However, the incongruity of the situation infuriated her, and one evening she flew into a rage and wrote an extremely angry letter beyond her usual temper telling him exactly how she felt. She slipped it into a drawer and decided to post it in the morning, but when the morning came, she felt happy once again and threw the letter in the bin.

The evening he returned to her was an enchanted one. Remus's attempt to leave with Harry had been disastrous; his attempts to forget his feelings for his wife and child had failed and culminated in a terrible moment he would always regret. He knew James would not have wanted him to go with Harry, but he wanted so much to persuade the boy...in that sense, he thought with disgust, he was no better than Peter. He had run away more in anger at himself than Harry, and there could be no turning back in either direction.

After drifting for several days, eating nothing and gradually resembling a wastrel in his attempts to find somewhere away from Dora to settle and help the war from, he turned to an old friend who had always given him food; Mrs Figg. Seeing how desperate her favourite of the four Marauders had become, she had offered not only thick beef stew and crunchy bread, but the patient ear he needed. In a most undignified and pathetic manner he had poured out his deep unhappiness at having ruined his Dora's young life, not to mention their baby, who would no doubt hate him for having fathered them. For he did not, indeed, have any malice in leaving her. He did not ignore their child. And the old lady understood that. He rested at her house that night, was able to wash himself and his clothes, eat and drink, and generally recuperate. He then asked her what he had to do.

"What does your heart tell you to do?" she asked. "I really mean your heart. Not your mind. The world needs more than reason if it's going to emerge as a happy place."

And the answer to that, he had realised without any effort, was obvious.

She had been in a peaceful mood as she looked out from her window seat. In her lap lay a copy of The Tales of Babbity Rabbity that she had been re-reading for practise and her own enjoyment. The moon was waxing towards a full one and cast a gentle light on the front garden. She had not given up hope of seeing Remus again, she imagined she never would, but she did not think she would see him walking up the garden path. However, as if by magic, the moment she began to lose this aspiration, he materialised in front of her gate. She could see him faintly; he looked well, perhaps he had found a source of food, but his grey hair was particularly prominent and his body was slumped with what she hoped was regret. His old suitcase, which still had the 'Professor R.J Lupin tag' for nostalgic purposes, dangled in his hand. Jumping to her feet, the book fell to the floor and she bolted downstairs.

As he approached, he felt prepared for the hexing of his life. He had taken the woman he loved and treated her worse than a plaything, and it was even more disgraceful now that she was carrying his child. If she was not angry, her parents would be. She might have aborted the baby. She would never love him again. And yet...his ring was sparkling like her eyes, and he saw her silhouette in the door with the warm light of the house calling him towards her. As he approached, her heart-shaped face came into focus, and then out as his eyes began to fill with tears. He ran to her, and before she could react, he was in her arms.

"I'm sorry." he told her, though he seemed to be addressing her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'll never leave you again."

Not quite hugging him back, she said. "Harry rejected you?"

"Furiously. I deserved every word he said."

"Looks like the baby and I owe him one." she said, and allowed herself to embrace him back. As they stood, one in the house and one out, they came apart and looked each other in the eyes. The dark, sparkling ones sought the deep ambers, and they thirstily drunk in each other's appearances.

"I love you." he told her, breathlessly. Without a word, she grabbed his robes and brought her lips towards his.

"Don't leave us again." she told him, her mouth millimetres from his.

"I'm yours." he said, with more honesty than ever before, and she kissed him, warmly, fiercely, lovingly.

When they opened their eyes, they saw that her parents were watching them.

"It's nice to see the newlyweds acting as they should." Andromeda said, a smile playing across her face. Remus looked at her in stunned surprise.

"Er..."

"We haven't seen either of you this happy since the wedding." she said. "I think it might be infectious. Do you want a cup of tea?"

"Please." Remus said, smiling, feeling slightly dazed to be back in the warm family home. Ted laughed happily.

"We're all together again." he said. "As it should be."

"I love you. Both of you." he told her, as she stalked saucily into their bedroom, wearing the pretty nightgown he had bought her one birthday.

"I know." she said. "I understood the first time. That must have been the twentieth."

"Your letter suggested otherwise." he said, waving it at her unhappily.

"Forget that. I was hormonal." she laughed, and plonked herself on the bed beside him.

"You weren't. You were angry...you said you didn't want to be...my Ophelia..."

"I didn't. And I'm not, am I? You won't leave me again?"

"No." he said. He had already had the 'Never Again Shall I Stray...' spiel. "Do you forgive me?"

"Yes, you silly man. I thought you didn't want to make any more mistakes..." she told him strictly, looking into his eyes, and he forgot his qualms immediately.

That night was the best of their marriage. There was no wild abandonment, no ignorance of their past or future suffering, no animal lust. It was love, deep and unconditional, fulfilled and not to be unfulfilled again. As she snuggled her head into the side of his neck to sleep, she felt a hand drift over her stomach. With a telepathic note of triumph to her son or daughter, she closed her eyes and slept peacefully.


	7. Christmas

**A/N:** Yes, Christmas is here! In August! Please excuse this ridiculous un-angsty chapter! It will literally make your teeth hurt. I recommend a hefty dose of angst for balance-how about a good teenage Teddy fic? Obviously I can't predict the future, but I have a feeling that the next three chapters will be chock-a-block with fluffy (pun not intended) baby stuff. What can I say? Hope you enjoy. Thank you to all reviewers and readers!

**Chapter Seven: Christmas**

The seasons shifted, and autumn showed its colours. October, the third month of Nymphadora's pregnancy, arrived quickly, and they shyly announced their news to their friends and relations. Andromeda, who had always talked very tensely to Remus despite being welcoming when he returned, was delighted and even told him he would be a good father. Ted was also very happy with the news; so much in fact, that he decided he could not allow his unborn grandchild to be at risk on his account. He slipped away quietly one night, but not before his son-in-law had introduced him to the Order's secret technique of communicating by Patronus. Though she and her mother were devastated by his leaving, Tonks tried to remain positive that her father, like her husband, would not leave the family for long.

What Tonks had dreaded most about the three month mark was announcing it to the Order. She got mixed reactions, of course. Several of the women, including Fleur and Molly, were delighted for them and were keen to have girly chats with Tonks about morning sickness and stretch marks (being a Metamorphmagus, she wouldn't have much trouble with the latter, but the former, unfortunately, was something she was fully able to discuss). Some of the others were shocked and annoyed at their irresponsibility, but after they explained what had happened and insisted that they would not retreat into their family unit and go out of the war (defended, as promised, by Ginny ), things began to settle down. Indeed, their baby become something of a mascot, almost an official source of hope. Not only were they fighting for the honour of the dead, but for the safety of future generations, symbolised by their little boy or girl.

The baby, and its mother, grew slowly over the next two months, but Dora was refusing to stop working. Remus worried for her and sometimes endeavoured, with the help of her parents, to stop her going on missions. However, she would give him a hard look and tell him in a severe tone that baby or no baby, she joined the Order to fight, and fight she would. The main disadvantage of all this for him was that he would lose concentration panicking that a Death Eater would throw a simple Stunning Spell at her and they would lose their baby, or worse, they would find out about her pregnancy and make a concentrated effort to end it. However, as she reminded him every time they came home to curl up in front of their warm fire, or go straight to bed, their child took after its parents, and one good hex would certainly not finish it off.

The war went on, but it was hard to keep going when so little was known about Harry. They continued with missions large and small, and Tonks consistently applied her morphing skills though she was a little worried about 'big' morphs. There was no authority to report Death Eaters to; they had had a role reversal and it was their side that was Public Enemy. And so they spent many hours indoors, sharing their building nerves in various ways; some days they could hardly talk to each other, other days he would be simply sitting and suddenly have his face grabbed into a passionate kiss. The new baby, in addition to being a source of hope, was a useful distraction, as there were endless things to buy and they had to work out how to buy them with their low budget. She craved various fantastical foods, including a drink she hadn't had in ten years but remembered vividly, cereal with no milk, and steak and kidney pie.

He adored the way she was getting larger; by December she had a proper 'bump'. She herself had mixed feelings on it; some days she was happy to show off her tummy, other days she felt fat and wished to cover it up. Unfortunately, before getting pregnant she had had a preference for well-fitted clothes, so many of her clothes no longer fitted her as well as they used to, and they had enough things to buy without purchasing maternity clothes. Remus would frequently return to find her sitting on the sofa comfortably compromising the situation in one of his patched jumpers or jackets. She developed, in her unemployment, a fondness for reading much like his own, and a lot of children's books she read too. She decided that their baby was naturally going to be read mostly wizarding stories, but it could not and _would not _grow up without Winnie The Pooh. Remus quite agreed, though he did wonder if that was her only reason for reacquainting herself with the 'silly old bear'.

Before long, it was Christmas. He had not had a particularly good Christmas in years, but he knew the second he woke up that this would be one that would stick in his memory for a long time. He turned to see her, very much awake and impatiently watching him, with a book in her hand.

"Good morning," he said, smiling at her. "It's a nice day today."

"_Merry Christmas_." she responded, with mock indignation. "I've been awake for ages, waiting for you."

"You could have gone downstairs..." he told her, shifting himself upwards to sit beside her. She looked away.

"Call me immature, but I would rather not go downstairs on my own on Christmas Day. There's something wrong about it. I did it last year and I absolutely hated it."

"Forget last Christmas." he told her, lovingly. "Look to the future. Today will be an excellent day. We're going to see the Weasleys and company this evening, aren't we?"

She nodded; "Oh, I have been looking to the future." she held up the book she had been reading. It was called _'Your Baby and You; From Conception through to the First Year_'. "You know, the baby will be eight months old next Christmas."

_If it survives_, Remus thought morbidly, but the exhilarated and optimistic flush in her cheeks prevented him from saying this. 

Acquiring an academic tone, she continued; "_'At this stage_, _your baby will try to crawl_...' although it also says some babies never learn to crawl and just bum-shuffle about the place. That is so my kid. And...Remus, listen to this..._'Babies this age love to experiment with sound and will often sit and babble to themselves...They may be able to sing some notes from nursery rhymes'_! Is that not the cutest thing?"

Remus had to laugh at her girly enthusiasm, and had to agree that that was kind of cute, though he could not yet imagine it.

They went downstairs together in their pyjamas and were welcomed by Andromeda. They exchanged gifts; Andromeda gave Remus a bottle of French mead, as well as an interesting-looking book. In turn, he offered her a Christmas cake he had made and decorated himself while she was at work, which she was very pleased with. From Tonks, he had two presents; one being a bag containing one of every sweet Honeydukes had ("Except Acid Pops, I've heard they don't agree with you. I didn't know if you like Cockroach Clusters...").

The other gift was not so orthodox. She shared it with him after Christmas dinner, when they relaxed on the sofa while her mother washed up. Feeling stuffed, he turned his head towards her. Her hair was red and green for the festive season and her cheeks had a consistent redness despite the cold weather outside. She had her eyes closed, possibly due to indigestion, and her hands were on her tummy. Suddenly, she opened them, and a smile spread across her face. Slipping her hand down towards his, she gently gripped his hand and placed it over her stomach.

Remus had to beam for her sentimentality.

"Oh, this is very sweet, Dora..." Suddenly, he felt something. It was like...a flutter. Very brief, but definite. "...was that what I think it was?" She nodded, and her smile widened, exposing her teeth which had bits of Christmas cake between them. Remus put his other hand over his mouth in awe and surprise. He had never doubted, of course, that there was a baby in there, but somehow it seemed more ...real. There was a living, moving person, and it was theirs.

"What a coincidence that it started moving on Christmas Day!" he said, overwhelmed with elation. "You know how to stir my emotions, don't you, little one?"

Dora bowed her head a little. "Actually, it started moving a week or so ago. I just decided to tell you about it today."

Not knowing how else to thank her, Remus brushed a finger past her cheek and kissed her. There came a groan from behind them.

"There's too much sugar about, don't you think? It makes my teeth hurt." Andromeda said, and they laughed.

That evening, before they went to Auntie Muriel's, Remus gave Tonks her present; a pretty set of pink dress robes that would continue to fit during her pregnancy. She was very pleased with them, though part of her had hoped he would give her something unrelated to the baby, after all, it was their first Christmas as husband and wife as well.

"There is also the second half of the present...although you can wear that even later this evening..." he said, with a wolfish edge to his smile. She blushed.

"I don't know how you could afford this." she asked, already changing her red and green hair to blue to go better with them.

"Oh, a little here, a little there..." he said, modestly, not wanting to admit to having put away too much, and prompted her to change into her robes.

When they arrived at the location, they stopped inexplicably in front of the row of fine, large houses. His wife slapped her forehead in frustration. "I forgot to do the Secret thing! Excuse me one moment, I have to ask their permission to give you the address..." she dashed forward, and seemed to disappear, only to return a short while later.

"The address is Number Seventeen, Kingsmill Road, Cambridge." A house materialised in front of him after she said this, and taking his hand, she lead him to the door.

"I am Nymphadora Andromeda Lupin, known as 'Tonks' or 'Dora', married to Remus Lupin, formerly an Auror with the Ministry of Magic. I am a Metamorphmagus...I am going to have my first baby in April...and...er...my favourite colour is pink."

"I am Remus John Lupin, I am a werewolf, married to Nymphadora Tonks, formerly a teacher at Hogwarts school for one year...and...er..."

"Alright, alright, we're convinced!" The door was opened by Charlie Weasley, who grinned at them. He had a jumper with gold and red stripes. Tonks gasped and squashed her old friend with an enormous hug, and he laughed, putting his arms around her. As she did this, Remus was greeted warmly by Molly, who hugged him.

"Remus, dear! Merry Christmas!" she said. "Have you had a good day?"

"Wonderful, thank you."

"You're not too full up, I hope. We have lots of food in the living room...how are you, are you well?"

"Never better, yourself?"

"Well, it's Christmas, so we're all very jolly!" she said, delightedly. "But generally, I can't say the same...anyway! Come join everyone! Charlie, let go of her, she's a married woman!"

Remus, Tonks, Molly and a slightly embarrassed Charlie proceeded to the living room, where the Weasleys, including Fleur but not Ron, were gathered, along with a sullen-looking old woman Remus presumed was Aunt Muriel.

The evening was a pleasant one. They ate, drank and socialised; Tonks was excitedly received by Molly, Ginny and Fleur, who were eager to learn how her pregnancy was going. Of course, only Molly understood what she was going through, but Fleur was eager to find out and Ginny was just glad to see her friend again.

"I've stopped having morning sickness, thank Merlin..."

"Do you know, I never had that." Molly said, sipping eggnogg. Tonks almost spat out her apple juice.

"What? You had seven children and you never...? Molly, you're not my friend any more."

They all giggled, and Fleur asked. "Do you know if you are 'aving a boy or a girl?"

Tonks shook her head. "Nope, and we don't plan to find out. I like the idea of knowing when it's born, you know?"

"Have a girl." Ginny said. "Boys are so...blech."

Her friend chuckled. "Ginny, if I'm having a boy, there isn't much I can do! Though of course, I'd be just as happy with a boy as I would with a girl..."

"What are you going to call it?" Ginny asked. Tonks was then able to pull out her present from the Weasleys; '_The_ _Bumper Book of Baby Names; Traditional, Modern, Wizarding, Muggle, Popular, Unusual_...' and the four women pored over it, pointing out names that sounded nice to them. Of course, Tonks told them all, she would have to pick two girls' names, because while she'd be happy to give her son the middle name of Remus, she would never burden her daughter with 'Nymphadora'.

Watching this display from a distance, Fred shook his head.

"Look at my mum." he said to Remus. "You'd think she was the pregnant one. Still, she'll be a grandma before she knows it, so she'd better get some practise."

"My parents are dead, so perhaps your mum can fill in the void."

"Don't tell her that!" he laughed. "She'll do it!"

The wireless crackled, and something seemed to occur to Fred. His face acquired a serious expression (for him, anyway), and he looked directly at Remus.

"That reminds me, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. My friend, Lee Jordan...he's involved in broadcasting, and he's had this idea..."

"Fred!" George's head appeared in the door. "The fireworks are ready!" he whispered.

"Pulling a prank, are we?" Remus asked.

"Could be..." Fred said. "Shh."

"Fireworks are such a New Year thing." Remus said, feeling a buried spirit of adventure resurfacing with the word 'prank'. "You should try charming the Christmas decorations."

"We did it with the Christmas _food_." George explained.

"Inspired!" Remus commented.

"Hang on..." Fred said, regarding his ex-professor with some scrutiny. "What do _you _know about pulling pranks? You're a teacher, or you were."

"I was a Marauder before that! We were the prank _masters_." Remus protested, only for Fred and George to look at each other, then at him, with stunned expressions on their faces.

"No..._way_..."

Remus and Tonks returned home shortly after midnight, feeling somewhat warm and fuzzy. Tonks had the names Anthony, Ashley and Aurora in her mind (they hadn't gotten that far through the book) and Remus had gotten quite the ego boost from two deeply respectful fans. However, tired as they both Christmas was not quite over for them. Remus had another present to give Tonks, and, taking her gently into his arms, he carried her upstairs where the silky nightgown was waiting for her.


	8. Easter

**A/N:** I sincerely hope you enjoy this (LONG) chapter. It is the moment you've all been waiting for, or perhaps not. Anyway, let's get on with it. Thank yous to all reviewers and readers!

**Easter**

The next three months were not only a physical journey for Tonks, but an emotional roller coaster for herself and her husband. The pregnancy put a physical and emotional strain on her that was not helped by being cooped up indoors when they knew there was a war going outside, and her father was in it. Of course, Remus and Tonks had their separate little missions to occupy them; Remus had a spot on 'Potterwatch' (which she always tuned in to) while she, being a Metamorphmagus, was frequently employed as the Order's errand girl, slipping into what remained of Diagon Alley to purchase various items for her fellow fugitives, as well as buying what she could afford for the baby. What this meant was that her (rapidly expanding) bump was the only way Death Eaters could recognise her, and she felt terrible for the pregnant witches cornered at wandpoint with the words 'Return to your natural form, shape-shifting half-blood!'. Naturally, she responded as they did with a bemused 'What the hell?'. She would return home to Remus and her mum, and feel safe there under the various protective spells, but neither she nor her mother could stop worrying about her father. He was the first thing she thought of in the morning and the last thing at night. It was impossible to know if he was safe or not, if he was alive or not, and during particularly difficult times she wondered if she would ever see him again.

Then, in March, with just under a month until the baby was due to be born, they finally received word of Ted Tonks. Unfortunately, it was the very thing they had not wanted to hear. It was a dark, rainy Saturday morning, and Tonks had answered the door to a dry and morose-looking Kingsley, who held a piece of parchment in his hand and still wore his Auror badge and dark coloured robes. When she greeted him, he did not smile, and she knew instantly that something had happened.

"Who died, Kingsley?" she asked, tentatively.

Kingsley took a deep breath and his hands crumpled the parchment a little. "Your father." he said.

"NO!" she shouted, her hands leaping to her ears to block the news, as if this could prevent it from being.

"He was killed by Snatchers, along with Dirk Cresswell, and a goblin he was with. I'm afraid we don't know more than that. Tonks, I'm sorry..."

"No." she repeated, shaking her head without fully realising it. "No, no, no. My dad can't be dead. He can't, he _can't._"

"I'm so sorry." Kingsley repeated, his brown eyes softening.

She had lowered herself onto the stairs, and put her head in her hands. Her friend, hating to be the bearer of bad news, stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching her with sadness in his eyes and an uncomfortable twist in his mouth. Thoughts of her dad floated into her mind with more intensity than ever before...the games they'd played, the jokes he used to tell, his cooking, the presents he'd given her, the holidays they'd been on...and now she would never see him again. A lump came to her throat and she began to cry softly, then transferred quickly into wild, unabashed sobs. Her mother, hearing the noise, rushed downstairs. She fixed Kingsley with a questioning look, and when he nodded, Dora heard her mother scream.

Remus, while he had appreciated Ted's good nature, did not have the cause to mourn that Tonks and Andromeda had. He diligently kept to himself over the next few days, when she and her mother would attempted to exist sanely only to burst into tears as another memory spontaneously ambushed them. There were a million things to cry about, not even including the love she had for him and the endless memories. They did not know what had happened to his body, or how he had died; she had not had a chance to say goodbye to him; he would never get to meet his imminently arriving grandchild. All these she would relate to Remus as she held him closely in the night, not allowing him to let go of her until she fell asleep. He always obliged, no matter how tired he was, and she would silently hope that he would never leave her again.

It was with her father in mind that Tonks planned her announcement at the next Order meeting. As she and Remus prepared to leave, she stared at herself in the mirror for the first time in a while. There was no denying that she looked atrocious; her body, whose shape she had not appreciated enough, was completely out of shape especially in the too-small clothes, and her eyes, normally wide and bright, seemed too small and red with crying. Her powers were weak, and her brown hair hung in a symbol of her misery. Her spirits lifted ever so slightly when Remus's reflection appeared behind her.

"Come along." he said softly, planting a brief but sweet kiss on her neck. "We'll be late." She took his hand, and he escorted her downstairs to travel to Shell Cottage.

Remus and Dora received many kind and sincere condolences when they arrived, but it hurt Tonks to hear so many people reminding her of her father's death. She rested her head on Remus's shoulders for the main part of the meeting, and his hand slipped around her girth to rest on her belly.

"Today is not a good day for Order members." Kingsley said, the same melancholy in his tone as there had been the other day.

"Aberforth has quit." Dedalus Diggle announced, brandishing a scruffy piece of parchment that probably contained some fierce resignation. "He believes that...our cause is not worth his effort." There was a pause before he continued. "I only hope no one else is feeling the same way. We've got to be optimistic."

"For future generations." added Bill, with a nod towards Tonks that had the air of a signal to everyone else.

"And we're going to have to let go of another member. Temporarily." Kingsley said, fixing his gaze on her. All eyes followed his.

"Yes." Dora said, removing Remus's arm from around her and shuffling forward to distinguish herself. "I agree that I need to take some time off. I don't think I'm in much shape to fight the Death Eaters at the minute, and besides, I think my father would have wanted me, and the baby, to keep safe. So, I guess...this is goodbye, from me, for a while."

They all smiled warmly at her, and there were positive murmurs, as well as slight shuffling sounds as if something was being passed around. Dora felt herself get a little emotional; though it was a corny thing to think, they were the best group of friends she could want.

"It's a shame to lose you." Kingsley said, after the moment. "You are a brilliant Auror."

"And for the record," Bill said. "We all think you're going to be a brilliant mum, as well."

With those words, she produced a large card, artfully decorated by Fleur, which proclaimed; "GOODBYE AND GOOD LUCK" on the front. Inside were the signatures of everyone at the meeting; all the Weasleys, Kingsley, Dedalus, Mundungus, Hagrid, Lee Jordan, and others, as well as some who weren't, such as Hestia Jones and someone called Augusta Longbottom. A number of people had also left personal notes.

_Come and see us as soon as you both feel up to it! Good luck with the birth, you'll be fine.- Molly_

_Call it Lulu!- Fred_

_Or Wulfric!- George_

_Come and see me before it's born, I have something to give you!-Hestia_

_Good luck Tonks! I am certain that you will have a beautiful baby- Fleur_

The next three weeks were very hard for Dora, not only in terms of the final stages of the pregnancy and the loss of her dear father, but also the excruciating waiting at home while Remus and her other friends worked for the war effort. Still, she took immense pride in her last contribution to the resistance, and only wished she could have recorded it to play back to the baby when it was a little older;

_"And now, Potterwatch listeners, we have our regular feature 'Pals of Potter', today hosted by our guest correspondant, the lovely _Rainbow_..."_

Yet while the time seemed to drag for his wife, Remus was finding himself extremely pressed, as the Order needed a new person to run errands and it seemed they would never have bought enough things for the baby. When a moment of spare time arose, he was very much looking forward to spending it with Dora, especially as the 'Big Day' as they had started to call it drew closer and closer. Unfortunately, she reminded him that it had been two weeks since Hestia Jones asked them to go and see her, and since her back was hurting, he would have to go on his own. He gallantly performed a Pain-Relieving Charm on her, but she cheekily put her feet up and told him, frankly, that she was far too lazy. Grumbling, Remus said a grudging goodbye to her and Apparated to the outside of Hestia's town house.

She was very pleased to see him, and not in the least bit annoyed about the two-week delay. She seemed thinner than he remembered, and there were strands of grey in her black hair, but her cheeks had the same rosy pink glow and he immediately felt welcome in her home. She bade him sit on her sofa, and dashed into the kitchen to make him a cup of tea.

The house had a rustic charm about it that made it look attractive and homely in the sunny April afternoon. Yet, though perhaps he was too used to small houses, Remus got a sense that the house was somehow too large for Hestia. He wondered if she had ever had a family here, or had planned to have one. That was when he noticed the photos on the mantlepiece, many of which displayed a cheerful, handsome young man who reminded Remus strongly of Sirius except for the freckles and sensible clothes, as well as the arm around a young and innocent looking Hestia. Whoever he was, he was not evidently around any more.

She emerged from the kitchen with two steaming cups of tea, and Remus quickly turned his face away from the photos, but an awkward grimace crossed her face as she handed him his mug, which was decorated with flowers.

"I like your T-shirt." she laughed, nervously. "'Make Tea, Not War.' I think that _would_ make the world a better place."

"Tonks bought it for me." he replied. "She still thinks it's hilarious."

"Yes, and she's been wearing it too, hasn't she?" Hestia said, and they both laughed. The T-shirt was rather stretched around the stomach area.

"So when is the baby due?"

"One week left."

"Wow!" she exclaimed. "I guess you're all on Amber Alert back home. I bet you can't wait to, you know, meet your baby."

Remus laughed warmly. "Yes...Andromeda is very much looking forward to it, and Tonks, I think, just wants to stop being pregnant as much as anything. She's very prepared for motherhood, or at least she's making an effort to be. As for me...well, all I want is for it to be healthy." he finished unhappily, his old nerves about the baby's health resurfacing. For a moment, he could not look at Hestia, and drank his tea in silence. The hot liquid felt soothing, like Tonks's voice when she assured him...

Hestia cleared her throat, and he looked up at her. With the same look of anticipation as Ginny when she held the card, Hestia told him to hold out his hands. Putting the tea on the polished end table, he did so, and she neatly placed a pair of knitted yellow booties into his outstretched palms. They were very well made and their colour suited the season.

"Thank you, Hestia." he responded, enthusiastically. "I'm sure Dora will love them."

"Yes..." Hestia said, her pink cheeks turning even pinker. "I really enjoyed making them. In fact..." She paused for a moment, unsure of whether she should continue, but then elaborated; "The knitting, it gave me something to, you know, concentrate on, besides the, um, war, and I got so much...just so much _hope _from thinking of the new baby...OK, that sounded wrong."

"No, it's fine. He or she has given us a lot of hope as well, so it's nice to know that other people feel the same way."

"And so I did some more, and some more, and before I really knew what I was doing, I had made this!" She then produced a large stuffed plastic bag which Remus had not noticed before now, and handed it to her friend. Inside it was filled to the brim with booties, tops, trousers, romper suits, even bonnets and bibs, all hand-made in white, yellow and pale green. Remus, astounded, exclaimed his gratitude and immediately began pulling out articles of clothing to admire. Hestia had made a special effort to make sure the clothes could be worn by a boy or a girl, and they gave Remus an overwhelming sense of how tiny, and how vulnerable the baby would be.

"Oh, Hestia, these are wonderful. We should really..."

"No, no, please, I don't want anything." she babbled, blushing very red but smiling gratefully.

"It's just that we don't have a lot of money, and it's been very difficult to afford everything. I doubt the baby will _wear_ anything else...thank you so much!"

Before he could prepare to leave with the clothes, Hestia spoke to him again.

"Actually, can I just ask for something?"

"What?" Remus asked, far too pleased to be annoyed with her change of heart over money.

"Will you send me an owl when the baby arrives? I'd love to know if it's a boy or a girl, if it's healthy, if the birth went allright...you know, all the stuff."

"We'll send a photo of it wearing the clothes with the letter." he promised, and she positively beamed.

"Thank you, that would be so perfect."

Early in the morning of April the thirteenth, Tonks awoke with a sharp pain that shot down her back. It was not the first time she had experienced it, but as the baby had recently turned itself around, she immediately began to check the time. By the time Remus woke two hours later, it was very clear that this would be the day their son or daughter would enter the world. As he sprinted to get her mother, she closed her eyes in pain and tried not to think of the horror stories she had heard before her pregnancy. It would be just her luck to have a horrific three-day labour, and with no Healers, she was suddenly terrified of all the things that could go wrong with the birth, and beyond that, how she would ever cope if it were sick, or worse, stillborn.

Three days was, of course, being a bit too pessimistic, but the eleven hours that followed were the most painful and strenuous she had ever experienced. Her hair and eyes flashed between colours almost demonically, and her mood varied from tired and unhappy, to determined, to angry. Her mother was on her feet for almost every second of the labour, deftly on hand with towels, hot water and other useful things she had amassed over the past few months, including the miraculous 'Healer Smedley's Super Suffering Stopping Solution' which Remus tenderly applied to her when he was not holding her hand and stroking her sweaty forehead reassuringly. He even put on her Weird Sisters records during their lunch break to simultaneously calm and motivate her.

At roughly six o'clock, as the sun set on that peaceful day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday, Andromeda assuredly instructed her daughter to give one final effort. Squeezing her husband's hand with all her might, Nymphadora did so, and when she opened her tightly shut eyes, she saw her mother lifting a silent baby in her hands. Time seemed to stop for a moment as the new parents froze in horror. With a quiet laugh at their pale faces, Andromeda gave her new grandchild a slap on the backside, and the room filled with the baby's screaming. Though they both knew they would come to loathe the sound, it was music to Remus and Dora's ears, as were the words; "It's a boy!"

Perhaps it was the pure white towel he was wrapped in, but to Dora, her son could have come from heaven. He was tiny, though a healthy size for a baby, and his little face was scrunched, yet beautiful. Exhausted from his long trip, he quickly fell asleep in his mother's arms, and did not seem to notice her fingers caressing his chubby cheek. The new family sat in silence for a moment after Andromeda left to make tea, in awe of what had taken place. He was, as far as they could tell, healthy, he was gorgeous, and most importantly, he was theirs. She felt the most enormous, almost physical rush of pure love for her precious new son, and immediately imagined her parents feeling the same thing when she had been born.

"He's perfect." she said to Remus. "Look at his hair. His arms and legs, his...neck, his tummy! Look at his hands! Ten little fingers..."

"...ten toes." he replied, gently inspecting the little foot that was peeking through a gap in the towel. "Although that doesn't say much."

"It does to me." she said, her gaze returning to his face again. Though it was hard to distinctly describe the baby's features, she could see he would look like his father.

"Look at those eyes. They're yours."

"They're not open." he laughed. "We can't tell."

"I know what your eyes look like closed, Lupin, and they look like that." she said, determinedly, and he grinned and looked at his son's sleeping face closely.

"Well, those have to be your lips. Hopefully that means your smile." Demonstratively, she showed it to them, as well as her mother when she came in with two strong cups of tea for her tired daughter and son-in-law. Noting Andromeda's presence, Tonks looked at Remus seriously, though maintaining her hold on the baby.

"Remus, my dad was so important to me, and now that I've got a baby of my own, I can't help but think of him. I want to call him Ted."

"Theodore." Andromeda said. "That was your dad's proper name, though the last time I heard it was when we got married. We can all call your boy Ted, of course, but it'd be nice for him to have a proper name. It means, 'gift of God'."

"Like 'Nymphadora' means 'gift of the fairies'." Remus said. "If you give him 'Remus' as a middle name-though do feel free to break with tradition if you want- it would, in a way, be honouring us both. Well, that's how I see it."

Tonks was considering the meaning of 'Theodore'. Though like many British children she had been raised with a Christian background, she had never been particularly religious. However, there had to be something in the fact that God had 'given' these parents, whose own lives were in constant jeopardy, their first child on the day He defied death, or the day before it. But regardless of sprituality, the most important meaning to her was that Theodore had been a kind and fair man who she had always loved, and with that in mind, she pronounced him 'Theodore Remus Lupin'. He opened his mouth a little in response, and she felt that he was such a tiny thing to have such a big name.

"Teddy, for short." she said, tightening her hold into a cuddle. As she leant back onto the pillow, she was reminded of her physical exhaustion, eager as she was to keep holding the baby. Feeling Remus's eyes on her, she turned to him and quietly offered him their son to hold.

It was beginning to get dark, and they had not switched on the lights yet, so the light of the waning moon shone through onto baby Teddy and his father. Remus held him with a mixture of love and anxiety, too tense to hold him tightly. Though he longed to hug and love their perfect new baby, the thought of what the poor, pure thing would go through next full moon held him back. It was a horrible pull of emotions, and his wife noticed the blank expression on his face. She stared at Teddy, waiting for him to captivate his father as he had her. They sat in silence. Remus tried to think of how proud he was to be a father, how wonderful it was that he and Tonks had a healthy, tiny, gorgeous son, but those cries replayed themselves in his mind as cries of pain in the light of the full moon...

"Remus" Dora interrupted. "Look."

He looked at the baby. "Beautiful, isn't he?"

"Does his hair seem...different?" she asked, touching it with her fingers. Contrasted against her pale skin, it did seem almost...ginger.

"It was black before." Remus stated. "Wasn't it?"

"Nymphie's hair was changing colour as soon as she was born." Andromeda said affectionately. "We couldn't believe our eyes, especially when it was green..."

Tonks laughed tiredly, smiling with pride.

"Well, Remus, I may be wrong, but it looks like our baby has got my shapeshifting powers rather than yours."

And with those words, Remus's fears were overcome by happiness, and so was he. A lump came to his throat, his face seemed to wobble, and before he knew it, he was in tears.

"We have a _son_, Dora." he said, his voice cracking. "A healthy little boy. So tiny, so precious, so..._perfect_. I love him. I love you."

Feeling herself beginning to cry with joy as well, she responded; "Thank you, Remus. I love you both."

And with the evening, as Remus left to tell Bill and Fleur and she and Teddy turned to bed after their long journey together, Dora thought to herself that she would do anything, anything at all, to make the world a perfect place for their perfect Teddy to live in.

**A/N:** I know Teddy may well be Teddy's birth certificate name, and that 'Teddy' is a nickname for Edward as well, but I have always loved the name Theodore and it gives me much joy to think that Remus and Tonks gave their son that name. :-)


	9. Needed

**A/N:** I'm so bad at sticking to canon! I know Ginny appeared last chapter, but she technically should not have and has since been replaced by Fleur. However, you will see her in this chapter. This is the last in our recent trilogy of happy chapters, as the ending will make clear...Enjoy! Thank to all reviewers and readers, including rayslady on lj.

**Chapter Nine: Needed**

The morning of May the seventh was very quiet apart from the falling rain outside. Nymphadora Lupin was woken at three in the morning by the screams of her month-old baby, which were apparently not registered by his sleeping father. Though reluctant to leave his side, she was immediately elated by the sight of the clock.

_It's not your birthday 'til daylight, _she was reminded,her dad's voice echoing in her mind from the days when _she _would wake up at three, and come running to her parents to receive presents. In a few years, she thought as she pulled on her dressing gown to go to Teddy, he would be doing the same thing to them. And would she tell him to go back to bed? Probably, she yawned.

Teddy had grown quite a bit in the past month, and had wide, staring amber eyes. His little mind had not worked out how to change anything but the hair yet, and his mother quite liked that as those eyes were very reminiscent of Remus's. He was reacting to his parents and grandmother now and his cries softened slightly as she approached him and lifted him out of his cot, which was very old but not rickety due to Remus's efforts to stabilise it. His room was her old bedroom, and he had the same view of the family's large, flowered garden as she had had, as well as the same pattern of moonlight on the wall. But as she fed him in the nursing chair in the corner, he took in only her, probably because she was satisfying his hunger. When they were finished, she gave his little mouth a wipe with the belt of her towelling dressing gown and then held him still and softly sang to him as he settled comfortably back to sleep.

"I'm just a little black rain cloud, hovering under the honey tree..." she yawned, stroking his soft dark hair. "Only a little black rain cloud, pay no attention to little me..."

"Oh, everyone knows that a rain cloud, never eats honey, no not a drip..." came a lower voice, and Tonks saw Remus leaning wearily against the wall opposite her, smiling at the sight of them. At the words, she shrugged, and laughed very quietly, transferring her hand to Teddy's cheek.

"I'm just floating around, over the ground, wondering where I will drip..."

By that point, Teddy was soundly asleep, and she carried him back to the old cot before walking to join her equally tired husband, and clasping hands they returned to bed.

"You're learning the Winnie the Pooh songs?" she asked in a whisper, giggling.

"All the time. You and your Muggle songs. I'm surprised you didn't go for 'And the Rain, Rain, Rain Came Down, Down, Down' with the weather out there."

"Nah, it's too jolly. 'Little Black Rain Cloud' is his favourite."

"Nonsense. He's far fonder of 'Pop Goes the Kneazle'. He _is_ a wizard baby." Remus defended, laughing quietly knowing the baby had no real understanding of the songs, and this quickly became an enormous yawn. The full moon was only a few days away. "Ugh...if we don't go back to sleep soon, we won't go back to sleep at all. Goodnight."

"'Night." she said with a disappointed slant to her voice, pulling the covers back over her.

"And Happy Birthday." he said, as they both turned to sleep again.

They spent the morning at home. Andromeda made pancakes for her daughter to eat for breakfast, while Remus had snuck to Diagon Alley and bought her a Broom Servicing Kit on behalf of her mother, some new paints on behalf of Teddy and a bottle of perfume from himself. She appreciated this, as it was something she could wear whatever her weight. His heightened sense of smell noticed the way it mingled with the scent of her skin, and he immediately became so fond of it on her that he wondered if it would appear the next time he smelt Amortentia.

In the afternoon, they went with Teddy to see the Weasleys. It was his first day out in his short life, and he squirmed and fussed as rain dripped onto him outside the large house. They walked forward to the door, and introduced themselves in the usual fashion. Putting on a high-pitched voice, his wife continued;

"And I am Teddy Remus Lupin, son of Remus and Tonks, and I don't like this weather out here so can I come in too please?"

The door was thrust open, and Arthur Weasley greeted them, leaning over the pram to see the baby.

"Well, hello! So you're Teddy!"

"Yes." Tonks replied, in the same voice, and Arthur laughed, adjusting his glasses a little. He gestured for them all to come in, and they did so, removing their coats and hanging them on the end of the banister. Remus lifted Teddy from his cot and held him caringly against his chest.

"Molly and Ginny can't wait to see the baby. Bill told us after you told him and Fleur, Remus. He said apparently..." Arthur's eyes diverted to Teddy's fluffy light yellow hair. "...the baby's a Metamorphmagus too."

Tonks nodded proudly. "He's in a spring mood today, I think. We're a spring family...Remus was born in March, Teddy in April, and I was born in _May_..."

"Tonks." Remus reprimanded her, before responding confidently to Arthur's question that Teddy was almost certainly not a werewolf as well, though they weren't quite sure yet. He, Tonks and Teddy followed Arthur into the sitting room, where he called to the kitchen Molly and Ginny, who had recently joined her family in hiding. She seemed far taller and older than Remus remembered her, and ran to Tonks and hugged her with a girly squeal of delight, while Molly was in front of Remus so quickly he thought she had Apparated. He moved Teddy so Molly could get a look at his face.

"Oh, he's _gorgeous. _Ginny, come and see!"

Ginny turned and scuttled towards the baby. "Oh my God! _Awww_...wook at him! Oh, he's so cuute!"

Remus had never understood why people always came over with a babyish spirit themselves when greeting little ones, but Teddy was soon confronted with 'Ooo's a wovely baby? Yes you are, yes you are!' 'Coochy-coochy-coo!' and other such things. His son was as surprised as he was, staring at his admirers with his small mouth wide open. He had not seen anyone besides his parents and grandmother before, so it must have been a rather shocking experience to discover that there were _more _people. As he was received into Molly's arms, Teddy's hair began to turn the Weasley red.

"Oh, look at that...does he often do that when he meets new people?"

"He's only met you lot." Tonks said. "Although he does love to imitate me, Remus and Mum."

"I'm not sure grey hair suits him." Remus said, running his fingers through his hair, and they all laughed and sat around the room. Tonks delved into her shoulder bag and produced a handful of the ridiculous number of photos she and Remus had taken of Teddy, and emphasised her particular favourite of Teddy snoozing in his father's arms to the sound of (though one could not tell) jazz on the wireless. The Remus in the picture would rock him slowly, and the baby's arms would stir. Remus, in response, showed them the adorable photo of Dora and Teddy, both sporting electric blue hair and surprised expressions, only for the picture Tonks to burst out laughing and the picture Teddy to blink at the noise.

After this discussion, Mrs Weasley questioned Tonks about the birth, and Arthur disappeared to make everyone a cup of tea while a slightly embarrassed Ginny turned to Remus and asked if he had heard from Harry.

"I only saw him a month ago, when Teddy was born. I haven't seen him since. He seemed healthy at the time, and quite happy; he was delighted when I asked him to be godfather."

Ginny sighed. It was depressing to Remus to watch what Ginny and Harry were going through, as it seemed somehow so similar to what he had been through with Tonks. However, perhaps like them, he and Ginny would sort things out.

"He'll be a good godfather."

"I'm sure he will." Remus agreed, though at times he wondered how much Sirius's exploits would inspire Harry.

"So..." Ginny asked with a smile. "Will he have a godmother, too?"

Remus raised one eyebrow and grinned knowingly. "Wouldn't you like to know?" But before he could more fairly respond to the sudden beam on the youngest Weasley's face, the lights switched off, and there was a glow of candles from the kitchen as Arthur entered with a number of family friends, and they all began to sing for Tonks, who gasped in surprise. The 'Happy Birthday' was interrupted by Teddy bursting into tears, but he was soothed by a cuddle from his mummy as she leant over her cake and blew out her candles. There were only six of them, nineteen less than her years, but her smile showed she did not care.

Life with Dora and Teddy was better than Remus could ever have imagined. His son spent the full moon night as he did every other night; sleeping peacefully under his enchanted ceiling until he became hungry or wet and screamed for his mother. The general tranquility of the two full moon nights of May and June gave a titanic feeling of reassurance to Remus as he curled up in the utility room. He had never, even in his school days, woken up after the full moon to a sight more pleasant than Dora sitting beside him with Teddy, who, seeing his daddy come awake again, smiled a toothless beam that brought tears to the exhausted werewolf's eyes. Teddy was a perfect comfort for the agony, and not only of the physical kind; his smiles, identical to his mother's, had the power to temporarily expel stress from the mind.

Summer approached, but with the Dementors floating around the weather did not improve much in London. This of course mattered little to the two Order members, who, with the coming of the end of the year, anticipated a movement from the Death Eaters more readily than usual. Summer always seemed to be their favourite time of year, and indeed it was an ironically peaceful day when the strike finally came. Tonks had a headache after a hectic night, and was resting in her room while Remus, Andromeda and Teddy spent time in the living room that morning.

"I don't think it'll go on much longer." he told his mother-in-law, while drawing circles on Teddy's tummy with his finger. "I don't think He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would have the patience."

"Is the Order ready?" Andromeda asked, tentatively.

"As ready as we'll ever be. Constant vigilance." Remus said, genuinely.

There was a pause, and Andromeda turned to him and asked; "So what do you think you'll do, if you survive?"

"I think I'll concentrate on this one." Remus said, gesturing Teddy, who was lying on the sofa, wiggling his small limbs. "Before he was born, I thought the war would define me. Now, my life has not one but two meanings. I am an Order member, twice over, but in addition to that, I am Teddy Lupin's father, and that, hopefully, is how I will live out my days."

"I hope so too." Andromeda said. "It's a much healthier vocation. Less risks."

They laughed, and Teddy smiled at the sound, knowing it to be a good one.

It was as if their words had carried on the wind, because that June afternoon, Fate came to collect Remus Lupin in the form of a small collection of Order members, who stood patiently outside the house as Kingsley pointedly explained what had happened.

"The Death Eaters are striking Hogwarts en masse. You-Know-Who is coming. This can only be it. We'll need you and Tonks."

"She's not going anywhere." Remus responded. "She's not fit."

"I'm fine." his wife said crossly, having recovered from her headache and joined him downstairs. "We need to go." She turned on him, and he saw the fierce warrior's glimmer in her eyes.

"Give us a moment." Remus told the group. "O-our s-son..."

There were murmurs of mutual and sympathetic agreement, and gripping Tonks by the wrist, he pulled her out of earshot to the living room.

"You_ can't _go. Teddy needs you. You only gave birth to him two months ago." His words were brittle and hard as bullets, but she put her foot down. Her hair flushed red.

"Remus, I want to fight to save the world from ruination, just as you do! If You-Know-Who wins, Teddy...we won't even see Teddy tomorrow, will we? I don't want that to happen, I'll die before that happens, let me GO!"

"Dora, for Merlin's sake, I don't force you to do things for me often, but please, stay here!" His voice became even hoarser with pleading, and then, as if realising he was losing control, he straightened and addressed her in a professor-like tone. "He needs you. You're his mother. If he's coming to death you should be by _his_ side. Not mine! I'm leaving, you're staying, and that is final."

She glared furiously at him, still refusing to drop out at the last minute. "When I joined the Order, I agreed that..."

She was interrupted by a firm, passionate kiss on the lips. Her knees buckled, and she blinked speechlessly at him when he broke apart from her.

"I don't want us to spend our last moments together arguing. I love you, Nymphadora." He kissed her again, and this time she embraced him and returned the kiss, giving up on the need to go and becoming overcome with the fear of never seeing him again. His hands began to caress her desperately, but he turned away abruptly again and strode towards Teddy. Scooping the baby swiftly but gently into his arms, he gazed at the little one's face. She saw his lips tremble, and he kissed Teddy on the forehead.

"Be a good boy, Theodore." he said, his voice cracking. "Love your mummy twice as much for me if I don't come back. Remember me. I...love you." He hugged Teddy then, as if they were on the edge of Hell, every line in his face becoming prominent as he did so. Letting go, he took a deep breath and handed the baby to Dora without looking at him. Someone called him impatiently from outside.

"This is no good...I'll take a photo." he dashed to the mantlepiece and struggled out a random photo of Teddy his grandmother had put in a frame, and slipped it into his pocket, where it would be over his heart.

"Make sure you give him the letter." he instructed Andromeda. "If I don't come back. I wish you all the luck in the world." Tears slipped down his mother-in-law's face, and they shared a brief but genuine hug.

"I love you." he told his wife and child, sharing one last kiss with Tonks before leaving her for the third time. "You and Teddy are the best things in my life. I'll love you _always_."

"Love you." Dora said with a lump in her throat, feeling her heart straining as he stepped out of the living room to join the group and the battle. As the door slammed with the wind behind him, Teddy began to cry.


	10. Until Death

**A/N:** Sorry for the unusual time delay; needless to say, I did not find this easy to write. I'm truly sorry if it doesn't do them justice. I don't own HP, 'cos if I did, well...I hope you, er, enjoy the chapter. Thank yous go out to all reviewers and readers!

**Chapter Ten: Until Death**

Nymphadora Lupin did as she was told. She soothed Teddy, and held his warm body in her arms. As always, he took hold of her body, her soul and her thoughts, and the pain of the goodbye eased a little as she whispered optimistically to him about where she would take him if they won the war. _Would you like Blackpool Tower, Teddy? Your daddy says he's never been. The man's thirty-eight, been to Peru and back and hasn't been to Blackpool. I ask you. Or we'll wait, wait till you're bigger and we've got a little more money. We could go to France. I think Daddy has some relatives there. I'm sure they'd love to see you._

She knew she was a different person since becoming a mother. Her life, to a greater extent than Remus's, ran solely around Teddy, and she didn't mind. She felt she was not the clumsy Tonks she had been, but Dora Lupin, who was calmer, and drifted tranquilly from room to room while her little boy slept. Was that who she wanted to be? As Teddy, tired as she was but hopefully not with the same returning headache, settled into her arms to sleep, she closed her eyes to block the painful, still strong sunlight and the even more agonising sight of Teddy's eyes, which were the same as his father's, her husband's. Yes, Remus and Teddy had cleaved her life into two equally satisfying parts, but what of the first part? Memories came to her as they had the time Bellatrix had attacked her, only more slowly this time and with a recurring theme...

_"Well, Nymphadora, do you have any career plans?"_

_"Yes, I do now. I've been reading that book, you know 'October 31st'. The one about..."_

_"Lily and James Potter? I remember, I taught them both. The books got a fair few inaccuracies, even I could tell...never once mentions poor Remus Lupin, for instance."_

_"Who? Anyway, their story really inspired me. I know I'll never do anything like what they did, but I want to preserve the peace and...well, make a difference. And I think being an Auror would be pretty cool."_

_"Well, you're capable of getting the grades. All you need is to sort out your behaviour." _

Professor Sprout's voice was always friendly even when she was trying to be strict. It had made her teenage self laugh and make an unenthusiastic promise not to annoy Professor Snape any more...on purpose.

_it was finally over. She had reached the end of the course, and the sun was setting outside. Auror Moody was waiting for her with his arms folded. Pushing her lime green hair out of her eyes, the trainee Auror sighed and jogged up to him, feeling angry with herself for getting so far from the others. She was always so clumsy._

_"Sorry." she said. "I'll just go inside, shall I?"_

_A puzzled look came over Moody's scarred face. "What're you apologising for, girl? You're first."_

_"...Sorry?"_

_"First to come back." said another official whose name she'd forgotten. "I'm surprised."_

_"I'm not." Moody said, with what was almost a smile. "She's good, this one." _

_Nymphadora Tonks beamed._

Poor Mad-Eye...he'd always supported her. He'd offered her the opportunity of her life...

_"I, Nymphadora Andromeda Tonks, recognise that with the sign of my Patronus and the signature of my name, I hereby give my whole-hearted allegiance to the Order of the Phoenix and Harry James Potter. I will, if necessary, put my life on the line for them both, as I recognise that by doing so I will make an invaluable contribution to the good of the Wizarding World..."_

And then, the day everything really changed...

_"I wish to announce to the Order that my Patronus...has changed. Yeah. so, without further ado...Expecto Patronum!"_

Oh, it had been painful and satisfying to see that new Patronus. True, the memory it had come from hadn't been all that strong-Remus had kissed her many times since then-but now, of course, she had their wedding to think of. Or the day he came back, and promised that he wouldn't leave again...

Unable to stop herself, she began to cry quietly. Teddy, now fast asleep, didn't notice. He probably hadn't realised his father had gone, and might possibly never come back. Perhaps he would be upset in the future for not having a decent goodbye, just as his mother was upset now. 'Love you'? Not even an 'I' in the front. That was what he was going to battle with. 'Love you', and a nice kiss. He'd probably forgotten it already.

She put Teddy to bed with loving dedication, though her eyesight was blurry with tears. Giving him a kiss, she wandered downstairs, the image of him imprinted on her mind. He was so small and precious, and he was hers and Remus's...he was a symbol of their love, as well as an innocent human being. She had never loved anyone as much as him, not even Remus, really. She would bear anything for Teddy.

_Even staying at home? _She asked herself. There was nothing to do for Teddy now. He would sleep a few hours before his nappy needed changing or he got hungry again. She hadn't forgotten to burp him. So what was there to be done? She didn't want to ask her mother, who would probably suggest 'The washing up' as if there wasn't a battle going on. She could not forget about it. Whenever she closed her eyes, Teddy's eyes, Remus's eyes, closed in front of her. Would they open again? She almost began to cry again at the thought. Sitting on the bottom of the stairs, as she had done when her father died and other times before, she nibbled her sleeve and thought.

She had a million reasons to go. She had wanted to be an Auror since she was sixteen. Mad-Eye Moody would want her to go. She had worked her arse off for the cause and should see it to the end. Staying at home like this when seventeen-year-olds were fighting was disgraceful, not to mention insulting. It was not who she was...was it?

She was not an Auror any more. She was a wife and a mother. She would honour and obey Remus, though her vows had not contained that particular phrase, and stay. She would wait for Teddy to need her again. He was the important thing now, even if the battle was so big and he was so small. He was a precious, innocent life, and he was what her friends were fighting for. By looking after him, she furthered their cause.

But Teddy needed more than feeding and changing. He needed safety. If they lost the war, he wouldn't live long...she did not want to think about it. Thinking of Remus's death was hard enough, but she had done it for years and she was doing it again, but Teddy...Bellatrix would probably give him to Greyback as a thank you present. It made his mother's heart thump painfully to think of them even in the same room as him, let alone...

...she had to go. For Teddy's sake, she had to go. She had to see his father once more. She had to honour her mentor's memory. She had to avenge her dad. She had to go.

Morally obliged or not, Tonks felt an agony like no other when leaving Teddy. She had not strayed from his side since he had been born...since he had been conceived, technically. She wrote a note for him on some fine paper her dad had found at a crafts fair-'Nymphadora' was written in gold at the top of every page, and pressed hard with the ink as if it that made the words mean more. She gave the paper a kiss, marking several x's to symbolise it, and sprayed it liberally with the perfume Remus had given her when the ink was dry. She folded it and drew a heart in the old-fashioned wax envelope seal with her fingernail, making sure to write 'Teddy' on the front of the envelope. Finally, she used the remainder of the ink to write something on her hand. Then, walking as though her spine was cracking, she went to Teddy and kissed him. She couldn't wake him, however much she wanted him to see her. He looked so peaceful.

"Sweet dreams, baby." she said. "Think of the seaside, Teddy. You'll take your first steps there, and I'll help you do it. I won't leave you, even if my body does. I love you."

Upon exiting what had been her room, she cast her Patronus for him, as she sometimes did when she left. It was stronger in shape than she had ever seen it, but its light was a little dim as if it knew the baby was sleeping.

Her mother was sorry to see her go, but like her daughter, she made a fierce effort not to cry. The two women hugged each other tightly.

"I'll be back soon." Nymphadora assured her mother. "If I survive and we win."

"What are the chances of that?" Her mother asked, her voice strained. "You're safer here."

"At this moment, I agree." she said, her fingers going towards her wand. "But I want to do everything I can to keep it that way in the future. For Teddy, Mum."

Andromeda nodded mutely. "I'd do the same for you."

"Take care of him. Especially if I don't come back."

"I will. He'll be safe with me. Don't worry. I love you, sweetheart..."

Tonks kissed her mother, who was becoming tearful, and then, fighting back her own emotions, she headed for the Hog's Head.

In what seemed like no time at all, she was running to the grounds, the green grass of which was being torn by battle. Ginny was following her with equal determination It was astonishing how similar their lives were...Ginny had been left aside too, by her hero. She was only sixteen.

Ginny disappeared when they got to the grounds. Tonks hoped for the best for her, and, gripping her wand tightly, ran around in search of a Death Eater while keeping an eye out for Remus. Where was Dolohov? She hoped he had not used that purple hex on him.

She paused for a moment. She was not as fit as she had been before Teddy was born. She had forgotten the last time she ran. However, her deep intake of breath was interrupted as an arm came across her throat. She flailed weakly as her breath was constricted, her wand almost falling to the ground.

"Nymphadora," whispered a rasping voice in her ear. She recognised it instantly. It was Fenrir Greyback. "I've looked forward to meeting you. I've heard a lot about you."

"Bellatrix." she spluttered, coughing.

"No." he said. "Your_ husband_. Used to scream it in his sleep. Went half mad when he was with us, but we got through to him in the end."

"You never did." she said.

"Oh?" he said, tightening his grip on her. "I told 'em to spread the curse, and he did. Gave you a pup. I'm proud." She kicked him. "Oh, no need to act like that. I'll do nothing to harm your cub. I can be quite the foster father... and you'll be needing one, because I'm not letting a plump morsel like you get away." His other hand was squeezing the flab at her hips.

Thinking determinedly of Remus's real emotion for Teddy, she cast her Patronus forward, and then, once it had bounded on, used her wand to push Greyback from her. He went far back enough to allow her to breathe again, but soon had her by the waist again.

"They don't work well on me." he said. "'Could say I've built up an immunity...enough chit chat. No talking..." he licked her, and she shuddered. "...at the dinner table."

Suddenly, a blast of hot, white light skimmed past her ear and hit her attacker. She looked ahead of her. Her husband was stood in front of her, his face twisted in rage.

"Let go of her, or pay with your life!" he said. Sure enough, she was thrown to one side, and Greyback leapt towards Remus with an animalistic roar of anger. She distanced herself, but could not pull her eyes from him. If he was to die, she didn't want him not to see her. To her delight, Remus, with some considerable effort, overpowered his attacker with a simple spell, and then leant over him, eyes glowing, wand pointing menacingly at him. For the first time, she saw fear in the feral werewolf's eyes.

"This," he said, "is for _my_ son."

Then, suddenly, as if it was in slow motion...a jet of green light blasted towards Remus, hitting him in the back. He immediately flopped lifelessly onto Greyback, who pushed him off and stood up, dusting himself down.

"Cheers, Dolohov."

Tonks looked at her husband's killer, who was smiling viciously.

"He was wrong to think he could get away from me..." Dolohov replied with a laugh, and the two wizards moved on.

Remus was lying on his back, arms and legs askew. His skin had drained of all colour. Looking around her beforehand, she rushed to him, and gently touched his face. His amber eyes stared vacantly back at her. He had paid the ultimate price for his family.

"I love you." she told him, slowly. "I love you so much. I can't stay. I'll come back..." She was beginning to cry. Hot tears flowed from her eyes and down her cheeks. Her hair fell limply to her shoulders. She knew he wasn't taking in a word she said, because he was gone...her husband, Teddy's father..._Remus _was dead.

With a heaving sob, she sent a flare of sparks into the air to alert whoever was fetching the bodies, and ran back into the battle.

Her battle with Bellatrix was over quickly. She was drained of energy, both physically and emotionally, and her aunt, a warrior all her life, did not fail to take advantage of this. She blocked nearly all of her niece's various curses, including a Torture Curse, one that Tonks had never employed before now. She wanted to take out the woman who'd killed Sirius, the woman who'd made her mother's early life a misery, the woman who'd tried to kill her, and Teddy in the first few weeks of his existence. But the Auror, gifted as she was, failed her last mission. Her aunt Bellatrix ended her short life with a Killing Curse to the stomach, and then moved on with a cold, high, feminine laugh. Nymphadora's last thought was of hope for her baby.

* * *

_"...Remus and Tonks, pale and still and peaceful-looking, as though asleep beneath the dark enchanted ceiling."_

Ginny, unable to look at Fred for much longer, walked over to Lupin and Tonks. They too had died for Harry; where was he? She breathed heavily, crying harder. It was a good thing Harry was baby Teddy's godfather, because he owed him something big.

She looked at them both. Lupin's clothes had been straightened on his body by some dedicated carer, and his eyes had been closed. He looked thin, and his hair was grey, and there was a shape in his pocket that could have been a letter or a photograph. Ginny did not try to find out. Instead, politely moved her eyes to Tonks. She too had had her eyes closed, and her hair was brown, as it was naturally. Dora had been like an older sister to her; fun, yet caring. She would have been an excellent mother...Ginny gasped and gave another sob for her. It was so _unfair_ on poor Teddy, not to mention them...it would have been their first wedding anniversary this summer. She looked at the rings on either of their hands, and was surprised to see a smudged scribble on Tonks' left hand. There was an arrow on her ring finger, and a note that started from her wrist.

_If I die, please take off the engagement ring, as I do not want to be buried with it on. Instead, please give it to my son, Teddy, so that he can pass it on to his Mrs Lupin. Do leave the wedding rings on, though. Thank you. _


	11. Moving On

**A/N:** No, I haven't quite finished yet! I hope you all like nostalgia trips (I think all of us Remus/Tonks fans have to...) because this is certainly going to be one. Teenage Teddy, from the fanfic I've read, always seems to be so full of angst, so this Teddy is a happy boy, as his parents wanted him to be.

* * *

**Chapter 10- Moving On**

Ted had never imagined himself leaving Gran, though he knew he would. Of course, as a kid, he'd told her very seriously that he would never leave home, and as a teenager at school he had always thought of it as an event of the very distant future. But now, he had rented a flat, and he was moving out of the large bricked house in Surrey he had lived in all his life. He had his suitcase open, and was currently filling it with clothes. The advantage to magic was that he didn't have to leave anything behind, which made packing ten times easier than it had ever been for holidays. He did wonder if it was all worth taking to his new little flat, and whether he should put an advert in the Daily Prophet and sell some things, but for now, he just wanted to get the whole thing over with. If course, Gran would never let that happen. He was counting the minutes until she came in, and sure enough, she padded into the room at around nine o'clock, carrying a mug of steaming hot chocolate. Her wrinkled face was lit up with a warm smile, and he knew that today would be an abnormally familial day.

"Are you going to take the wallpaper with you?" she asked, dryly, looking at the way the room was slowly emptying. Ted flicked his wand at the old astronomy-themed frieze with an equally sardonic grin, but then laughed.

"Nah. It doesn't really have any sentimental value to me...besides, Gran, I know you're just going to rent the room out to some...Italian art student, eager to practise his English..."

She giggled, her old eyes twinkling. "Don't be so silly, Teddy. We've had enough visitors to last us a lifetime."

Ted considered this. As the son of Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks, two beloved and brave members of the Order of the Pheonix, he had had many visitors eager to share their anecdotes with him, as well as give him some love and affection, though he had more than enough from Gran. His childhood memories included a fascinating encounter with a spare Flobberworm he'd found in Hagrid's coat...Hagrid had never seen anyone so entranced by a little red worm and casually mentioned 'dragons' just to get the little one's pulse racing even faster...Then there was Kingsley Shacklebolt, the Minister, for whom Gran always went into a cleaning frenzy even though the man was in fact grateful to spend time in a place that _wasn't _spotless, as well as spend time with his late friends' son. "_Kingsley...Mr Shacklebolt, will you mention me in one of your speeches?" "Well, I don't see how I'll be able to connect a little boy named Teddy to European integration, but I'll give it a shot."_

Gran's eyes continued to flicker around the room, and settled on his ancient stuffed Hippogriff, Flappy.

"Are you taking Flappy with you?"

Flappy was a large old thing. His fur had seen better days but the eyes still sparkled, and whatever held the wings up still held them taut. Flappy was another non-blood-related sibling, as he had spent many an hour riding him, dragging him up and down stairs, pretending things with him, and so on. More importantly, he was a part of the Tonks family because he had belonged to his mother, Nymphadora Tonks. It was only a matter of time before Gran asked him if he would be taking photo albums. He would, of course. He couldn't leave them behind to gather dust. They would go in last.

Andromeda perched on the arm of one of the armchairs and watched her grandson casually packing his things. Whatever she tried to teach him about packing properly every year, he had forgotten. His socks were not rolled, the shoes were not on the bottom...but that was Teddy. He went too quickly to be concerned with tidying up. Today, perhaps in a sentimental gesture or maybe just a lazy one, he had not bothered to change his appearance. He even had his black hair, as he always liked to make a special reference to. During his childhood, she had banned him from returning to his natural colour, telling him that it "made Granny sad". He had always listened, though never fully understood it. The reason was that Teddy's parents, God rest their souls, had both had brown hair. True, Remus's had been mostly grey, but it was obviously naturally brown. But Teddy was born with black hair, and when she thought about it, Andromeda could only think of one possible source. It was a genetic throwback, quite a long one at that, to _her _mother, Druella, who had passed on her black hair to her first daughter, Bellatrix. Andromeda could hardly bear to think of dear little Teddy having anything in common with his mother's murderer, especially genetic material. So, Teddy was not to have black hair. Turquoise, in all honesty, suited him better.

Then, one day, she had come across one of those old nostalgia books, 'The Way We Were', for the community her son-in-law had been brought up in. To her delight, as well as Teddy's when she bought it, there had not only a mention but a photo of his other set of grandparents, which, though in sepia, showed quite clearly that Teddy's other grandmother, Elodie Lupin, had had black hair.

Apart from Elodie's contribution, most of Ted's features could easily be traced back to his parents, or at least that was what Andromeda thought. His small nose and thin-lipped smile, as well as the high forehead and pointed chin, came straight from his mother, Nymphadora, though her natural appearance was shown even less frequently than her son's. Ted's warm amber-brown eyes, as well as his delicate cheek bones and lean physique, had come from his father, though Andromeda hoped Ted would not age as quickly, his life being so much happier. Oh, she would miss him so much...

"Why _Cardiff_?"

It must have been the twentieth time she asked that. Even Ted was not sure exactly why Cardiff, it just was Cardiff. "Why not Cardiff?"

"It's so far away." she said. "Even if you can Apparate now. I will miss you. Will you come for Sunday lunch?"

"I couldn't. I promised the Potters I would come for _their_ Sunday lunch. I'll stay here today, but from next week on I'm on a permanent dinner date. How about Friday?"

"That sounds wonderful." she answered happily. "I will very much look forward to it, especially now that I'm retiring. I'll be stuck with nothing to do."

"I shall send my laundry." he said with a chuckle.

"You and I won't be separating that easily, will we?" she said, half-laughing, half-sentimental, turning her head to one side and smiling. He shrugged cheerfully and turned back to his battered suitcase, only for the doorbell to ring. Gran shifted and walked downstairs to answer it.

She was greeted by a tall girl with short, shining blonde hair. She wore modern yet elegant black robes with silver earrings. She also had a pretty face that was somewhat unperfected by the masses of freckles and the dark, tired circles under her eyes. This had to be Victoire, the girl Ted had told her about (but only after she had interrogated him over tea). Indeed, Victoire hesitantly introduced herself, and Andromeda called her grandson from the door whilst beckoning her to come in.

"TEDDY!"

Ted half-cringed at his nickname. He did wonder who had come to visit; probably Ron or Hermione, or maybe Harry again. Unfortunately, as he saw when he trundled downstairs, it was one of the only people he didn't want to hear him being called 'Teddy'.

He welcomed her into his room and she took a seat where Gran had been. She looked around, silently surprised at the room's emptiness, and then stared at his face with curiosity. He ignored the packing and sat on the bed, staring at her tired eyes.

"Another sleepover party?"

"Elizabeth's." she said. "Slytherin girl. Big house...loads of drink. I didn't get too drunk, I'll have you know. All very girly, by the way. Only boy there was her brother."

Ted nodded in a satisfied sort of way. He didn't really mind Victoire hanging around with other boys if she was going to stay soberish anyway. She was a popular girl largely because of her beauty, and this made him feel lucky to have her, especially as he was a little on the shy side. Not many people knew about their relationship, apart from Victoire's parents and Gran, because he couldn't hide anything from her.

"Anyway..." she yawned. "I can't stay long. You know how my parents are about Sunday lunch, I've got to be home. But we've still got a couple of hours to ourselves. I suppose you'll be wanting to pack, though."

"I'm in no hurry." he said, walking over to sit on the arm of the over-stuffed patterned armchair and slipping an arm around her. She stared up at him lovingly.

"Say, Ted, you look a little different."

"Correction." he responded. "Most of the time I look different. Feel privileged, Victoire Weasley, for you are witnessing the genuine Theodore Remus Lupin." He took a small bow, just to emphasise the point.

Victoire raised her eyebrows, and a warm smile spread across her face. "I like your eyes. They're a beautiful colour." she said. She also liked the tiny, barely visible lines below them that probably resulted from too much smiling.

"It's the werewolf in me." he said with a grin that reflected the same, and she laughed. She was one of the only people he was perfectly content to talk about his father's condition with, largely because her own dad experienced similar symptoms. The first time they had met since he and Victoire had gone out, the tension between the two had been cut by their mutual fondness for rare steak. Feeling a surge of fondness for her, he gave her a brief kiss, and they sat in silence for a moment.

"Shall I put some music on?" he asked, stepping off the armchair and gesturing to his record player. She nodded, and enthusiastically jumped up and looked around the room. She hadn't been to his house for a long time and was intensely curious; it was a bad habit of hers to poke around people's possessions like a Niffler, eager for their stories rather than their shiny properties. She noticed the dust that was gathering on an old Pre-Hogwarts Quidditch Club trophy the size of an egg cup. She took in Flappy's faded plush body. She perceived the smell of coffee from below them, and finally, she took in the photo albums stacked just under the bed.

"Ooh, I love photographs." she said. "My dad always forgets the camera when we go on holiday, so we don't have many. Of course, when I was born, they took a shedload. They all look the same, I was a miserable-looking baby."

"All parents do that with their first kids." Ted replied, nodding his head to the music. "Mine were the same. At least I was a Metamorphmagus, so they varied a bit. Take a look at the photos if you want. You'll have probably seen a few before."

He was right; she had. There were photos of her and him when they were small, playing in the Burrow's back garden. One year they had had a competition to see who could grow the tallest Flitterbloom. She had won. There were photos of a young Ted with Uncle Harry and Auntie Ginny, including an adorable one of him holding James when James was about one.

The album at the bottom of the pile was made of navy blue leather and bound with gold thread. It seemed very ordinary but when she opened it she knew immediately it was a very important, very treasured keepsake. She noticed her boyfriend tense slightly as her fingers traced her grandmother's writing on the inside front cover.

"_To Remus and Tonks, May your life together be happy and peaceful. Lots of love from Molly, Arthur, Bill, Fleur, Charlie, Fred, George, Ron and Ginny_."

"It was a wedding present for them." Ted told her. "They filled it up with all their old photos. I'm very glad they did." He sounded happy, but a little wavering, so she gave him another loving smile and asked with her eyes if she could look further. He nodded, and knelt in front of her as she turned the pages.

It was a wonderful compilation; Victoire felt she was staring into their lives even though they had both died two years before she was born. Ted kept quiet most of the time, watching her expression, but he occasionally added comments.

"That was when the Order of the Phoenix were based at Grimmauld Place. Gran reckons that's when my mum and dad kind of...hit it off. That bloke there is Sirius Black, you've heard of him. He was my gran's cousin, and he went to school with my dad. They were good friends as well. I haven't a clue what that Hippogriff's doing there, though."

A photo of a snowy day, with a young, red-haired woman leaning against a stone wall and smiling cheesily. "That one was from a date they went on. Dunno where exactly. Looks like Hogsmeade, doesn't it? My Gran's still got that necklace Mum's wearing."

A middle-aged couple in sepia. "Those are my dad's parents. I added that because there was a space there. I remember getting really confused when I was a kid about why my grandma's tummy was so huge!" he chortled, and she did too.

"That's their wedding. Just a little registry office 'do."

"Your mum was so pretty." Victoire said. Nymphadora Tonks, or Lupin, had had the most beautiful eyes. She was a very lucky woman...well, apart from the short life.

"I know." he said, thoughtfully, watching the photo-Mum lean in to smooch photo-Dad. "Their marriage didn't start well, but they worked it out in the end."

Another photo. This time the couple were curled up on a sofa, all four hands near their then-unborn son. "I must have been a huge baby, judging by the size of Mum."

"Aww...hey, she was a Weird Sisters fan? They were so cool."

"You like old music?" he asked.

"Hell yes." she replied enthusiastically.

And then, in pride of place, framed by an illustration of doves with ribbons...

"OH my God!"

"Calm down, Victoire!" Ted laughed.

"You were so _cute_! _Oh_, your parents look so happy..."

The photo in question was Ted's favourite. His mother was holding him in her arms, her face tilted to one side with a smile that showed both her cheeky, cheerful side and her loving, motherly side. His father's arm was around her waist, and his head was titled towards the baby, smiling at him. He seemed not happier, but more comfortable than he had done in the other photos, as if he had finally reached the perfect place in life. He, the baby, was wide-eyed and kicking his legs, beaming from ear to ear...hopefully not just with wind.

"We were a good family, weren't we?" he said, trying to hide the disappointed feeling he got every time he saw that picture. He often wished, especially when he was having a miserable time, that they had been with him and brought him up. He wondered how his life would have been with them. Yet at the same time, he understood that this could not be because...

It had fallen out of the back of the album. He couldn't expect Victoire not to read it, but she did politely ask before holding the very old parchment before her eyes. He averted his own, though took in the words as they were spoken aloud by her sweet, emotional voice.

_Dear Teddy,_

_If you are reading this, the war has been won, but I did not live to see it. It hurts me to think that I will not see you living peacefully, but I hope you will remember me as you do so, because it is for you that I go to fight every day, and for you that I will fight the last battle when it comes. _

_I will not deny how worried I was when your mother told me she was pregnant. I'm sure you realise it was rather bad timing, and I did not know if my affliction would be passed on to you. I could never have lived with myself if it had, so I was overcome with joy when you spent your first full moon as you did every other night. You (and your lovely mother) have made my life better than I ever thought it could be. You are, as I write, sleeping in your little cot, looking peaceful and content. I hope you will always feel that way, and though I've never been more reluctant to die in my life, I am prepared to sacrifice everything so that you can. I loved you more than life, as your mother hopefully tells you frequently. If I can be with you in spirit, I will, always._

_And, so, unbearable as it may be this is goodbye. For now, because I know that we will meet again. I hope you will be good, and love your family and friends for me as well as for yourself. Remember, I love you._

_Dad_

"As your mother tells you frequently?" Victoire asked, puzzled.

"She wasn't supposed to go." Ted responded. "He told her to stay with me on the day of the battle. But she did go, because she..." Before he could explain, Victoire had found the good quality paper that was also hidden in the back of the album.

_**Dear Teddy,**_

_**I hope you will never have to read this letter, as it means that I have died. Please understand that I am not leaving you because I don't care about you enough to stay with you. I love you so, so much, more even than my parents or your father. I feel like my soul is attached to you. I'm leaving because even if my body is destroyed in the process I want to, alongside your father, provide you with a safe life as every mother should. It's an unorthodox way of doing it, but we're an unorthodox family, Teddy, and I hope you understand why I'm making this decision. I'm shaking now, because I've been with you every second of your life up to this point and I can't bear the thought of leaving you, but I can't bear the thought of what your life would be if we lost the war. The fact that you're reading this, I assume, means we have won, and I feel some gratification in that. As I say, I hope I'll be able to come home, tear this into pieces and take you in my arms, but if I cannot, I want you to know that I love and adore you more than anything and I will never truly leave you. Be a good boy, and love your grandmother and your daddy (if he's alive) because they'll need you. **_

_**Lots of love,**_

_**Mum xxxxx**_

_**PS. I hope my engagement ring has made its way to you, and that some lucky girl will wear it one day. I hope she makes you as happy as you have made me.**_

"Did you get the ring?" Victoire asked. Ted turned round, his heart warmed by the spoken words of his parents, and was surprised but strangely pleased to see tears in her blue eyes.

"Yes." he said seriously, but then lightly added; "But don't get your hopes up."

She giggled quietly, wiping her face, and he laughed hoarsely. Yes, he had had a good time so far, and moving to Cardiff would be another new adventure. He had a loving girlfriend, godfather and grandmother, as well as many, _many_ other caring friends. As much as he regretted his parents' loss, he imagined them, still together, knowing that their son was making the most of the life they had put their hearts and souls into providing for him. And someday, he would thank them.

* * *

**A/N:** And so, we come to the end of 'To Love and Be Loved'. I want to thank all the readers and reviewers who have supported this and made it a lot of fun to write, as well as made some of the angstier parts easier to deal with. I sincerely hope you've enjoyed every chapter, because I have. You won't hear the last from me, especially in relation to Remus, Tonks and Teddy! Special thank yous to the following: 

**Aimee- SG1Bauer - Padfootatheart - estrelita - seductionandcandlelight -Bella Masen Cullen - theheartyearns - saltandpepper15 - yellowrosepetals -defyentropy - dittogrrl - MacKenzieBlueEyes - ladyofthelight101 -werewolfinlove - RedSnowsled - nicole - Dobby135 - glitterP - rayslady -blackunicorn777**


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